All I need is you
by miss-ute and annambates
Summary: Modern AU. He was a depressed, sad, and lonely drunkard, and all because of a mistake he made 15 years ago. And then...
1. Chapter 1

**_C_** ** _hapter I:_**

He was a depressed, sad, and lonely drunkard, and all because of a mistake he made 15 years ago.

Vera was sexy, young, confident–all the things he wasn't. She made him feel strong, better, younger, so he married her. But she soon showed him her true face and, after 15 years of misery, he was done–done with her and his life. He was going to do it. Rain was streaming down his face and body, but he didn't care. How could he? ''Just jump, John, jump and end this shitty life of yours. 3, 2…''

''STOP! What the hell are you doing?'' a voice behind his back brought him back to reality. He turned around and saw a petite, blonde woman running toward him, shouting and cursing.

''What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you OK?" she asked him and helped him step down off the edge of the roof.

'' I've been better,'' he answered and gave her a sarcastic smile.

'' I bloody hope so! Come with me,'' she grabbed him by the hand and pushed him into the building. He wasn't complaining. The only thing he was able to say was ''I'm cold.''

''You don't say?!'' She was angry…she had seen far too many deaths in her army life. It was her first day home from a mission in Iraq, and the first thing she saw when she stepped out of a taxi was this man, standing on the roof of her apartment building. Was she cursed or something, she thought to herself.

She helped him into her apartment. He was heavy, but a long and hard life in the army made her strong, physically and mentally. She helped him into the tub, still fully dressed, and turned on the hot water.

''Stay here. I will get you some aspirin and water. OK?'' she said.

John just looked at her and said, ''Am I dead? I must be dead. Are you my angel?'' She was beautiful!

''No, you silly, you are still very much alive. Just stay here, ok?'' and then she left.

He was looking around, trying to figure out where he was…he didn't have a clue. All he knew was that he had been saved by an angel–a beautiful, beautiful angel–and that he was as drunk as mule.

After 5 minutes she was back with his aspirin. John had fallen asleep in the bath and looked like a little baby, with a yellow rubber duck floating in front of his face. And she had to admit to herself that he looked rather handsome…

* * *

 **this is it :D …I don't really know if chapter II. is going to happened…I'm a little scared when I have to write something in english… :D :O :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter II.**

It was 6 a.m. and the rain was still pouring outside. John slowly opened his eyes. His head was hurting. ''Where the hell am I?'' He was lying on a blue couch in some living room he didn't recognize…wearing only a towel around his middle.

The room was nice and comfy, but he still couldn't remember where he was. All he could remember was Vera, yelling at him – because he hadn't said a word when he had stepped into their bedroom and found another one of her lovers in HIS bed. He had just turned around and left, this time for good.

He had bought a bottle of whisky and a pack of cigarettes and had picked the highest building he could see. He was going to jump…he had to.

His dried clothes were folded on a coffee table in front of him. John sat up, reaching for his black boxers, when the sound of broken glass hit his ears. ''Shit'' was the only word that followed. He stood up, moved slowly to the closed doors, and opened them. And there she was, kneeling over broken glass. She was wearing a pink robe made of silk, her hair was up in a cute ponytail, she was barefoot...and there was blood on her feet.

''Are you OK?'' John asked and stepped into the kitchen. She looked up and smiled. ''Yeah, I'll survive.'' John froze. Her smile was gorgeous...she was gorgeous. After 3 seconds of silence between them, he finally said, ''Here, let me help you.''

''You don't have to,'' she said, still smiling. He was even better looking than she had previously thought. That hair, all messed up from sleeping on the couch...he had a fine body, too, his chest was covered with black hair...oh yes, he was very, very good looking. And his legs…

''Now, are you sure that you're OK?'' he asked again. Was she checking him out? No, she couldn't be. She was breathtaking - blonde, petite, with ocean-blue eyes, a perfect body - and, well, he was just…John.

''I think I cut my foot,'' she answered, not really sure what to say. The towel around his middle was really getting to her, maybe because she hadn't seen a real man for so long. Sure, she had spent the last two years on an army base with hundreds of male soldiers, but they had been only boys looking to prove themselves, not men.

''Can I take a look?'' John asked her.

''No, I'm good, thanks." She tried to move, but the second she put pressure on her left foot she could feel the piece of glass cutting deeper into her flesh. She reacted to the pain way too fast, on pure instinct, and lost her balance, falling directly into his open arms.

John caught her, swung her into his arms, and carried her into the living room. She didn't complain one bit. Her arms went around his neck and-oh, my god-he smelled so good. Was she going mad or something?

He set her down on the couch. '' So, what do we have here?'' He sat on the coffee table across from her and started to examine her leg. ''Do you have a first aid kit?'' he asked, looking at her. She was smiling, almost laughing. ''What?'' he smiled back.

''Are you aware that you are only wearing a towel?'' She started giggling like a schoolgirl. She couldn't see a thing, but why not tease him if she could?

John crossed his legs and blushed. He took his clothes from the table and gave her a look. ''Second door on the left, and you can find the first aid kit in the closet next to the sink.''

Anna was still sitting on the couch with her leg up on the coffee table, when John returned from the bathroom. He was wearing a white t-shirt under completely unbuttoned checked shirt, blue jeans, and no shoes-just white socks. Once again he sat across from her, opening the first aid kit.

'' Let's have a look, shall we?'' He took her leg in his hands and she flinched, but not because of the pain. His hands were large, but gentle, and their touch felt so good. ''Did I hurt you?'' He looked at her, worried. ''No,'' she blushed and hoped he didn't notice, but he did.

''I'm just going to pull the glass out of your foot, OK?'

He worked in silence. It was too quiet for Anna's liking, so she asked him, ''So, are you some kind of a doctor?'' He raised his head and chuckled and, just when she thought he couldn't get any more handsome, a lock of his hair fell on to his forehead. ''I was, but a long time ago. I'm not a doctor any longer.''

''Why ever not?'' He was older than she was, but not that old. "You are way too young for retirement,'' she teased.

He smiled, still working on her leg. John Bates was a man of few words; he didn't speak if it wasn't necessary. But something about her, the way she looked at him, made him feel that he could tell her everything about himself.

''To make a long story short, I was an army doctor, working in the field in Iraq. But two years ago everything changed…'' Her face fell, she knew that army life was tough, but the life of an army doctor was even harder. They saw the worst side of war but, then again, does war even have a good side? Trying to save young lives in the worst kind of conditions, with no water, no light, no medicine, and not even the necessary tools, they had to work quickly and in silence. There was no time to think about the situation-they tried to save each soldier or to fix him/her the best they could. They were the heroes among heroes.

''...some terrorists attacked our base. It happened fast, too fast. A lot of good men died that day.'' His voice cracked a little and Anna understood him, she had seen death in that desert, too. ''I hurt my knee and after that I couldn't really do my job.'' She was looking at him and the expression on his face told her that there was more to his story, but she didn't say anything.

''All done now. If I was your doctor…'' I can only wish, she thought. ''…I would order you to stay off your feet for a few days. But you don't have to listen to me. Nobody does.'' The last sentence left his mouth a little harshly and he gave her an apologetic smile.

''I'm Anna, by the way, Anna Smith,'' she offered him a hand and he gladly took it. Her hand was small, but it fit perfectly into his big paw. ''I'm John...John Bates.''

''So, Doctor Bates…'' she smiled at him, her hand still in his.

''Just Mister these days, but you can call me John, Miss Smith.'' The more he looked at her, the more he liked her.

''Once a doctor, always a doctor,'' she said quickly, too quickly. He grinned at her.

''Would you care to explain your little adventure from yesterday?'' He finally let go of her hand, and she had to admit to herself that she was a little sorry.

''Not really…I mean, I don't really remember much. I can remember the roof and the reason why I was there, but nothing else…I mean, I can't even remember you.'' And she was unforgettable, so he must have really been drunk.

She smiled and winked at him. '' Well, let me tell you, it was interesting…''

* * *

 **yeeey me :D thanks again to annambates for being awesome to me :)***

 **\+ you can find on tumblr**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter III**

''Come on, tell me!'' he pleaded.

''Let's just say you made a new friend.'' She started laughing and showed him a yellow rubber duck from the night before.

''What is this? What do you mean, I've made a new friend?'' he looked at her puzzled. He couldn't understand what was she talking about. What was so special about this duck? But he couldn't complain; her smile was his new favourite sound.

''Well, after I finally woke you up, you started playing with it.'' John dipped his head, obviously embarrassed. His reaction only made Anna laugh harder.

''Don't worry, you were cute…both of you.'' He looked up. Was she flirting with him?

''And then?

''Well, nothing special, really. I helped you stand up, and I tried to take your wet clothes off, but you wouldn't let me...''

''OK, but how come I woke up on your couch, wearing nothing but a towel?'' he asked her.

''You undressed yourself. Don't you worry, I saw nothing,'' she giggled, and she could see he was mortified. ''I left the bathroom to get some blankets and when I returned you were already peacefully snoring on the couch, wearing nothing but a towel. So I covered you with the blanket and went to bed.''

Anna was telling the truth, but not the whole truth. She couldn't tell him she had spent another 20 minutes just staring at him, watching him breathe, smiling when his nose twitched. She knew it was weird-she had only just met the guy-but she couldn't help herself. After that, she had put his clothes in the dryer, had a quick shower, put his clothes on the coffee table, and gone to bed.

''And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to change into something more comfortable.''

''You don't have to,'' John said, and Anna looked at him with a smile. ''I mean it is your home; you can walk around the place wearing your pyjamas,'' he quickly added, running his hand through his hair. "Nice save, Bates…not," he thought to himself. But she did look beautiful in her PJs.

''I'll be back in a minute,'' she said and then disappeared into her room.

John stood up, went to the kitchen, and opened the fridge. He wasn't the best cook in the world, but he had to try. "Eggs, cheese, pancetta…I can make something out of these," he thought.

He was making the second omelette when Anna stepped in to the room, wearing brown tracksuit bottoms and a green jumper with a UK army symbol on it.

''What is going on in here? Something smells nice.''

'' I hope you don't mind, but I wanted to do something. You did save my life.''

She looked at him with a worried face. He was finally starting to talk about last night.

''Would…would you have jumped if I hadn't come?''

He thought about her question, but he already knew the answer. ''No, I don't think so. I had thought about it, even planned it, but no-I'm too much of a coward.''

''Oh, come on, you are not coward, '' she nudged him in the ribs.

''Well, yes, I am. Trust me, I am,'' he said. Once again, Anna saw something in his eyes-regret, sadness. He had a past, a dark one.

He changed the subject. ''So is your boyfriend in the army, poor soul?'' he asked her, putting the plates on the table and sitting down.

She was confused. ''What? What do you mean by that?''

He quickly pointed to her jumper. ''Oh…no, it belongs to my husband.'' John almost choked on his eggs; his face changed in a second. "Of course she has someone special in her life," he thought, "Just look at her."

''He is a four star general, quite the silver fox. We are very happy and in love. You should really meet our kids, Tobias and Robin, they are lovely children.''

As she was talking about her perfect family, John couldn't help himself. He was starting to feel sad again; he didn't really know why. He had thought that there was a connection between them, but maybe he was wrong; it wouldn't be the first time. He was starting to brood so hard, that he didn't even notice when Anna stopped talking.

''John?'' He looked at her. ''Yes?''

''I'm only joking!'' she started laughing again. ''I am single.'' He was so relieved when he heard her say those three little words that he couldn't help himself, and he started laughing with her.

''I don't really have time for men; I'm too busy, anyway.'' Not any more, she thought to herself.

''So what do you do?''

''Care to guess?''

''Well, let's see...beautiful, smart, funny…a lawyer?'' She shook her head.

''No? Don't tell me, you are doctor? No?! Hmmm... Teacher? Actor? Model? Singer? Are you sure? Are you lying again?''

''No… OK, I will tell you, but don't laugh.''

''Ohh, tell me. It can't be that bad!''

''Well...believe it or not...I'm a soldier, just like you.''

''What?'' he stared at her. He wasn't shocked or anything like that, he just hadn't expected it.

''Well, I'm not a doctor like you. I drove a tank, and I did plan some rescue missions in Iraq, plus I served as an interpreter between the locals and the army.''

John just stared at her with his mouth open. ''Do you mean to tell me you are Anna...THE Anna May Smith?''

''What do mean THE Anna May Smith?" She was confused. How did he know her middle name?

''Did you spend your last two years in Iraq under the command of General Robert Crawley?''

''I did.''

''Wooooooow, I thought you would be older. Do you know you are one of the most important women in the UK army? You were the brains behind the 'Parker rescue mission,' weren't you?''

She finally understood what he was talking about. The Parker rescue mission was a mission which had taken her a year to plan, down to every last detail. It was about saving soldiers who had been captured and tortured by the terrorists. In the end, only 10 out of the 25 young soldiers survived. She had been too late for the rest of them. She could remember the day when the mission got the green light; she had been so happy that she finally would be able to help those men and women. But someone had betrayed them. They had arrived too late; the terrorists had already killed 15 of their soldiers. She had been so angry-at herself, at the terrorists, and at the world.

She had spent another 7 months trying to find the bastard who had snitched on them. And after countless sleepless nights and one mental breakdown, she had finally found him…Captain Alex Green, that sonofabitch. He had sold out his family and his country, and for what? For 5 million pounds. When she had found out about Green, she had lost it. She had beaten the shit out of him in the cafeteria. She had broken his nose and cracked three of his ribs. It was the proudest day of her life. But she had been arrested and later discharged from the army.

''I wasn't able to save them,'' she finally spoke.

''You saved 10 of them, 10 young men and women who got the chance to return home alive, not in coffins. And the way you dealt with Green...you are a hero, believe me. There isn't a soldier in the UK who wouldn't know who Anna May Smith is.''

''I don't know...''

''You are a hero, a living legend.'' He offered her his hand and she gladly took it. She gave him a smile, still not believing a word he had said about her.

''Are you all right? " John asked. "I mean, didn't you mention that you had a little breakdown?''

''Yeah, I'm all right now, thanks for asking. I couldn't leave Iraq right away, because of the whole Green situation-there was an investigation-so before they discharged me, they sent me to a very good therapist. Her name is Gwen and, believe or not, she lives in the flat next to mine. She is the best. She can really work magic.''

He chuckled and stood up, starting to clean the table.

''You don't have to,'' she said.

''I know, but I want to.''

He was putting the dirty plates into the dishwasher when she asked him, ''How about you? Do you have anyone special in your life?''

He froze in place. Should he lie? The truth about Vera was ugly, very ugly indeed. He'd spent only 3 hours in Anna's company and already he could tell that she was special, and she made him feel good. But he couldn't tell her about Vera…not yet, anyway.

He turned around, looking at her. And as he was starting to say ''Anna, I'm…'' the sound of the doorbell saved him…

* * *

 **beta: annambates :) THAAAAANK YOUUU, YOU'RE THE BEST :)))**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter IV.**

''Oh, my god, she's back…for real!''

''You mean "for good"?!''

''Oh, shut up and come here,'' exclaimed Gwen, hugging her. ''What's wrong with your leg? Are you OK?''

''I'm fine. I stepped on a broken glass this morning and cut myself. Come in,'' said Anna.

Gwen quickly followed her into the flat, going directly toward the kitchen, where John was.

''So tell me, how was the flight? Did they give you a goodbye present? What kind of a pres…'' Gwen finally stepped into the kitchen and saw John standing behind the counter. ''Well, hello,'' she smiled at him, and John nervously greeted her back. When Anna finally walked in, Gwen turned to her and silent mouthed, ''He's ho-o-o-o-t!'' Anna only smiled and said, ''Gwen, this is John. John, this is Gwen, my neighbour...''

''Oh, Gwen who can do magic. Nice to meet you, Gwen.'' They shook hands. ''Nice to meet you, too, John who can…''

''...heal people,'' Anna quickly said.

Gwen let go of John's hand and turned to Anna. What were these two talking about?

There was a brief silence and John was becoming more and more nervous.

''Well, I'd better get going. Thank you for everything, Anna. I mean it." He started to move toward the door.

''Let me walk you to the door,'' Anna offered and followed him, passing Gwen, who had the biggest smile on her face. "Stop it,'' she whispered to her friend.

John was already at the door, putting his shoes on, when she reached him.

''Are you sure you have to go?'' she asked sadly.

''Yeah, I have some stuff to do.'' He was lying. He wanted to stay and spend the day with her, but Gwen had come and he didn't want to interrupt. ''But thank you. I owe you one.''

''Well, you did take care of my feet and you made breakfast. Let's call it even.''

They stared at each other, not knowing what to say next. He finally broke the silence and turned to the door, ''Goodbye, Anna.''

''Goodbye, Doctor Bates,'' she giggled, and he gave her another of his smiles.

''Goodbye, Gwen!'' he called, opening the door.

''Nasvidenje lepi!'' she shouted back.

John gave Anna a confused look. ''She meant goodbye,'' Anna quickly explained, blushing.

''Oh, OK then, bye.'' He stepped out and slowly closed the door behind him. Anna was still staring at the door when there was a knock. She opened it.

''Me again, I've forgotten my jacket," he said. "And your number," he thought.

''Oh, here it is,'' She gave him his jacket and for a brief second their hands touched, sending a light tingle through their bodies. They both felt it, but neither of them said a word.

John took the jacket, thanked her again, and left.

It was now or never. ''Hey, John!'' Anna called after him, opening the door, with her purse in her hand. He was already on the stairs when he heard her. ''Yes?''

''Here.'' She offered him her card. ''My phone number, you know, if you want to talk about anything. I mean, I don't want you climbing any roofs again, so call me, else I'll worry.''

He put her card in his jacket pocket and smiled, "Well, we can't have that.'' With those words, he turned and left.

When Anna finally returned into the kitchen, she saw Gwen holding two teacups.

''We need to talk,'' Gwen said, and offered her a cup.

* * *

When John reached the front door of the building, opening it and feeling the cold on his face, he finally let out the breath he hadn't known he was holding. She had given him her number-Anna May Smith had given him her number. He couldn't believe it. It was still raining, but John couldn't care less. He was happy. The cold raindrops were falling on his face, but for him they felt like small, hot kisses on his skin. Oh, how he wished they were Anna's kisses. But then he heard thunder strike and he realised…Vera. He couldn't go home, not after last night. Vera was history, and for the first time in 15 years, he meant it. He lit a cigarette and continued his walk to the bus station. There was someone he had to talk to; he needed her advice.

''Hello, Mum!'' called John, as he unlocked the door of his mother's house.

''Johnny! I'm in the living room, come in. And don't forget to take off your shoes.''

John chuckled, ''Yes, Mum.'' After all these years, she still reminded him to take his shoes off. John loved his mum; she was his rock. After his alcoholic dad left them for another woman, he promised himself he would take care of her, no matter what. He owed her so much. She had saved him from becoming a drug addict two years ago, when he had been on painkillers because of his knee.

 _''You can't continue like that, son. You'll kill yourself," she had told him then._

 _''So what, who would miss me? I'm nobody, Mum, just an old, crippled army doctor, who couldn't even save his friends,'' he had replied._

 _It had hurt her to see him like that; he was such a good man. ''I would miss you. I'm already missing you. Can't you understand? You are not yourself, Johnny. You are starting to behave like...him.''_

 _''Don't you say that, do you understand me? Don't you ever say that again! I'm nothing like him!'' he had shouted._

 _Beth had started crying and, for the first time in the past year, John had seen what he was doing to the last person who cared about him. ''Oh my god, Mum, I'm so, so sorry. I need help! Please help me! Please.''_

 _She had helped him get into rehab. It had been hard at first, but with his mother by his side supporting him, he had been out in 6 months._

''Where is my boy? Happy Birthday, Johnny,'' she hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

''Thanks, Mum,'' he said hugging and kissing her back.

''I've made you a cake.''

''You shouldn't have.''

''Well, it's my child's 40th birthday, so shut your mouth and take a piece. It's your favourite, coconut and chocolate.''

''Great!'' He ate his cake in silence, smiling the whole time. The sweetness of the cake reminded him of her.

''Are you OK?''

''Yeah, I'm good. How was your day?''

''No, no…don't change the subject. Something happened, didn't it?'' He was actually smiling, and he hadn't smiled like that for years.

''Mum, I've met someone.''

''A girl, I presume?''

''Yes, her name is Anna and…''

''Does Vera know?''

''Hell, no…''

'Language, John Bates!''

''Sorry…Vera doesn't know anything, and I would like to keep it like that, OK?''

Beth only nodded. ''Can you tell me something more about Anna?''

John smiled ''Well, where should I start...?''

* * *

''What do you mean we need to talk? Talk about what?'' Anna took the cup out of the Gwen's hand and went into the living room. ''There is absolutely nothing to talk about.''

''Anna! Who is he? Come on!'' she called after her, following her into the living room. ''Anna?!"

''What, Gwen? What would you like to know? His name is John and I met him yesterday. See, there is nothing to tell! He needed my help, I helped him, he spent the night, end of story.''

''He spent the night?'' Gwen's eyes lit up.

'On the couch!''

''Oh...'' Gwen was a little disappointed. ''So nothing happened?''

Anna smiled ''Gwen, you know me. You know everything about me, even my most intimate secrets. So what do you think?''

''Ohhh, yeah…but you like him, don't you?''

''Maybe...I don't know. He is nice…''

''Oh, come on, Anna! I saw the way he was looking at you!''

''You think he fancies me?

''Hello, earth to Anna, of course he does! But if you don't like him, can I have him? I mean, he is a little bit older…''

''Gwen…he is not that old! And the answer to your question is no, you cannot have him. I met him first.'' They started laughing.

''You said you helped him-in what way?''

Anna told her the whole story, how she had found him on the roof, the whole duck thing, how gentle he had been with her cut…she told her everything she could remember.

''Wow, poor guy, it sounds like he has survived a lot. But he sounded nice...very nice, really. Are you seeing him again?" Gwen asked.

''I don't know. I gave him my number. We'll see.''

'He'll call, don't you worry.''

They spent the whole day talking about everything, really: the army, Anna's plans for the future, John... They had become very close friends during Anna's therapy. The army didn't allow any personal contact between therapists and their patients, but after Anna was discharged, the rules didn't matter anymore.

They'd started watching an old DVD, when Anna's mobile beeped. It was a message from an unknown number. She read the text, which said, ''Open your door. :)''

''Hey, Gwen-would you mind pressing the pause button please...?''

'' Sure. What's up?''

''I don't really know, just a second.'' She sat up and went to open the door. Opening it, she saw a huge bouquet of white roses.

''Miss Smith?'' the delivery boy asked.

''Yes?''

''These are for you. Can you sign here, please?''

''Yeah, sure.'' She was a little confused; in her whole life she had never received flowers from anyone.

''Here you go, have a nice evening.''

''Thank you,'' was the only thing she could say.

''Who was that?'' asked Gwen.

Anna stepped into the room, holding the flowers.

''Wow, what the fuck?''

''I don't know!''

''Is there a card or a note? Here it is! Come on, read it, read it!'' Gwen cried.

''Wait a minute.'' She put the flowers down on the coffee table.

''Here you go, come on, hurry up!'' Gwen handed her a card.

Anna smiled. There was painting of a yellow duck on the front of the card.

 _''_ _Dear Anna, I know that flowers are not enough, but they are a good start, don't you think?_

 _If you would allow me, I would like to thank you for everything you did for me, properly this time._

 _How about tomorrow? Yes, no? Text me!_

\- _Your doctor XOXO_

Anna quickly handed the card to Gwen and reached for her phone. She only typed three letters and clicked the send button.

* * *

John was sitting on his mother's couch, nervously waiting for Anna's response. He didn't know what was he doing; he was still legally married to Vera. All he knew was that he wanted to see Anna again.

His mobile beeped and, while reading the message, he started to feel as if he was the luckiest guy in the universe.

''Mu-u-u-m, she said YES!''

* * *

 **\- beta: annambates :D THAAANK YOUUUU, YOU'RE THE BEST :)****

 **\- about Gwen (her dad is from Scotland and...her mum is from Slovenia ;) I have to write about something I know right?! haha) so I'm going to write in my own language sometimes :) I hope you don't mind ...and that ''Nasvidenje lepi!'' from Gwen - ''Goodbye beautiful!'' :)**

 **\- THANK YOU for R &F&F :** **


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter V.**

''Come in, it's open!''

''Anna?'' John slowly stepped into the flat.

''I'm in the bathroom - I'll be right out! There is some fresh coffee in the kitchen, if you want it.''

''Thanks! How are your feet? Can you walk?'' he called, making his way to the kitchen.

"They're OK. I had a good doctor,'' Anna replied, standing in front of the mirror, checking her simple make up for the third time in the last 5 minutes. ''Oh, come on, Anna, you look all right,'' she thought to herself.

John was walking around the flat with a mug in his hand, looking at the pictures on the wall, when she finally walked out of the bathroom, wearing blue jeans, a white t-shirt, and a hoodie, her hair once again in a ponytail. She wasn't wearing anything special, but when he looked at her, his breath stopped for a second, almost causing him to choke on his coffee. She was gorgeous.

Anna was by his side in a second, trying to help him to breathe normally again.

"Are you all right?'' she asked him, a little worried.

''Yeah, yeah…I'm OK. It went down the wrong pipe. Thanks,'' he smiled at her. ''You look nice.''

She blushed. ''Thanks! You did say to wear something comfy and casual.''

''I did.'' He was still checking her out, from head to toe.

''So where are you taking me?'' Anna asked.

''It's a surprise,'' he said, putting the mug in the sink and starting to walk to the door.

It was Anna's turn to check him out. He was wearing simple khaki trousers, which made his behind look rather good, and a black shirt, which was unbuttoned at the top, giving Anna a good peek at his dark chest hair. She was starting to blush when he called, ''Anna? Are you coming?''

''I'm right behind you,'' Anna said, while thinking, "Pull yourself together, woman!" She locked the door and followed him down the stairs. The day couldn't have begun better.

There was a black Land Rover parked in front of the building. ''Your carriage awaits, madam,'' he said, opening the car door for her. Anna sat down and asked, ''Are you sure you can't tell where are we going?''

He closed her door and started walking around to his side of the car. Opening the door and moving behind the wheel, John said, ''I could tell you, but that would really ruin the surprise.'' Starting the engine, he added, ''Last chance to change your mind!'' Anna gave him a smile and said, ''No, let's go. But don't forget - I do know some martial arts moves, so don't get any stupid ideas.''

He chuckled at her warning and started to drive.

It was a nice spring morning. They talked about everything - music, hobbies, films… They had only met two days ago, but it felt like they had known each other for an eternity. There was not a tiny little bit of discomfort between them. They shared stories about army life and told jokes. After two hours' drive, they finally left the highway.

''I know this place...'' Anna said after a while, then she looked at him. ''I know where are you taking me!'' she almost squealed.

John laughed and stopped the car in front of a huge building. Anna quickly stepped out of the car, looking at John. ''But why are we here?''

''I have to show you something,'' he said, and they started walking toward the door.

A big sign in front of the building read "British Military University of London." He had brought her to her army school, where she had spent the best years of her life. She had been happy here, truly happy, for the first time since her parents had died. She had been young, inexperienced, even scared when she had come here, but the rules and routine had made her safe and comfortable again. She had quickly become one of the most successful students. Everybody had loved her, from staff to students. No wonder, really - she was quick, smart, and fit, always trying to help others and to be better at everything she did.

''Are you OK?'' John asked when he saw she was a little overwhelmed.

''I'm better than OK,'' she said. ''But I still can't understand why you brought me here!?''

John only grinned at her and said, ''Let's go in.''

They stepped into the building and found its halls were empty. He turned right and she followed him, looking around, taking everything in. It still smelled the same, even the colours of the wall were the same, and she loved it. After a few minutes, John finally stopped and said, ''Look!'' pointing at the wall in front of them. Anna looked up and saw a big sign on the wall, which read ''Heroes of Our Time.'' Under the sign were some articles and some photographs of soldiers. But one of the photos stood out immediately. Anna looked at it and gasped - it was a picture of her in her uniform. ''That's me!'' was the only thing she could say. She started reading the dedication under the picture. ''Anna May Smith was born on the 2nd of April 1985 and was raised in Yorkshire, England… In her active duty between 2010-2015, during which she served as a tank driver, translator, and planner of rescue missions, she saved the lives of 538 of our brave men and women. She was the brains behind many rescue missions: Desert Cat, Army Knife... but we really cannot overlook the critically important work she did on the Parker rescue mission….'' The article went on and on about her military work. She couldn't believe it. As a student, she had spent hours and hours in front of these walls, reading about military heroes, many of whom had given their lives for their country, and now she was a part of it.

''I can't believe it!'' she said, looking at John who just smiled at her and added, ''I told you that you are a hero.''

''But...but who nominated me?'' She knew she had to be nominated by a high-ranking officer to even be considered for the wall.

''I did,'' a voice behind her said. She turned around and for a moment she thought she was dreaming.

''General Crawley?'' She hadn't seen him or heard anything of him for a whole year. The last time she had heard anything about him, he had been declared missing in action. She hadn't been able to get any information, since she was just a soldier, and after the whole Green situation happened, they wouldn't tell her a thing about what was going on out in the field. She had tried to write to General Crawley's wife, but the army had destroyed all of her letters because she had been under investigation. Anna had worried a lot. General Crawley was like a father to her, and he had taken care of her when her mum and dad had died. After all, he was her godfather.

''Smith! Is this the way you greet an old friend?''

''No, sir...I mean Uncle Robert,'' she started laughing and hugged him. She was so relieved.

''That's my girl! How are you? I was so happy when John called me. When did you come back?'' He was beaming like a proud father.

''Just last night. You two know each other?''

''We have a long history,'' John said.

''Indeed we do, a good one. But let's talk about that some other time. Tell me, how are you?''

''I'm good now. I was so worried...I couldn't get any information about you! But knowing you are alive now, I'm really relieved that you are OK!''

Robert smiled at her and said, ''So, what do you think?'' as he pointed to the wall.

''Well, I can't really believe it, I mean I'm on THE wall with all the important men and women. And after I beat that piece of shit called Green. Where is he anyway?''

''In prison, and he is going to stay there for quite some time, that bastard!'' Robert said with anger in his voice. ''Hungry?''

''Yes!'' said Anna and John in one voice.

''Follow me. I hope you still remember where the cafeteria is?''

''I could never forget that food! Is it still that bad?''

''I'm afraid it is,'' he smiled, ''What would you like to…'' but before he could finish his sentence, the school bell rang, and the hall was full of hungry students running toward the cafeteria.

''No running in the halls!'' Robert shouted.

''Yes, sir,'' some of the students responded.

The trio started walking down the hall when there was a loud shout. ''Oh my god, it is her!''

Everybody froze for a second, not having a clue what was going on. ''Look, it's Anna May Smith!'' a young girl yelled. ''Anna Smith is here!'' everybody started to whisper.

Before Anna could do anything, she was surrounded by young boys and girls, all of whom wanted to see her, touch her, take a photo with her, get her autograph...you could even hear some saying "I love you; I want to be like you." They studied about terrorists and her missions. They all knew what she did to Green, and they respected her for it, even more because she was a woman.

After a while Robert finally stepped closer and said, ''Come on, give her some space. That an order!'' Students moved away in a second and she finally got some space to breathe normally again. She had to admit to herself she was a little bit surprised and overwhelmed by the reaction of the crowd. To John she looked beautiful, and for the first time he could imagine the strong, skillful soldier she had been...and still was, in way.

''So how about that lunch, hmm?'' Robert said and started walking down the hall.

''Are you OK?'' John asked Anna.

''Yes, I think I'm better than OK.'' Her eyes were shining.

''Shall we?''

''Yes!''

The three of them shared lunch, talking about army life, Iraq, Robert's family, the good old days. They were interrupted a few times by students who wanted to say a quick hi to Anna.

''Look at the time! I have a meeting in 10 minutes, so if you'll please excuse me. Anna, thanks for coming! It was good to see you, both of you,'' Robert said.

''You, too, Robert. Say hello to Cora and the girls, would you please?''

''I tell you what, why don't you join us for our yearly Crawley weekend by the lake. You too, Bates! A little bit of camping, swimming, fishing - please come! We leave this Friday at 5 a.m.''

Anna looked at him. She had some happy memories of camping with the Crawleys. It had always been fun, and she hadn't seen the girls in ages. ''OK, I'm convinced. Let's spend another crazy weekend by the lake! John?''

He couldn't say no to her. ''Yes, let's do it!'' He was happy; he was going to spend a whole 3 days with Anna. OK - and the family - but 3 whole days without wondering where she was and what she was doing. He would know that she would be there, by the lake, maybe wearing her sexy swimsuit... Robert's loud ''It's a plan!'' snapped him out of his daydream.

''Goodbye, Anna! And John, I will send you some information about the weekend, " Robert said, ''Thank you for bringing her.''

''It was my pleasure. Goodbye!''

They were walking back to the car when Anna stopped and turned to John.

''Thank you!'' she smiled,

"It was nothing,'' John replied.

She grabbed him by his arm and said, ''It wasn't nothing. It was perfect." And then, out of the blue, she stood on her tiptoes and hugged him. She slowly put her arms around his neck and whispered ''Thank you'' in his ear. John's brain needed a moment to understand what happening, but then he quickly put his arms around her back, bringing her closer to him. Her small body felt so good against his. And just when he didn't think it could get any better, she gave him a kiss on the cheek. It lasted a little longer then she had planned, but his stubble felt so good against her soft, warm lips that she couldn't help herself.

When she finally ended the connection and looked at him, he was already smiling at her. He still couldn't believe that she kissed him! It was only a peck on the cheek, but to him it felt as if the world had stopped spinning. Neither of them said a word. They just stared at each other, staying in the moment. Both of them could feel that it was something more just a quick kiss on the cheek. It had to be more.

John wanted to say something, but when his pocket started to vibrate, he finally let go of Anna. ''Sorry,'' he said. Then he looked at the screen and saw the name he hated the most in this world...VERA.

* * *

 **beta: annambates :D the best beta in the world :)) THANK YOU**

 **bad/good first ''date'' ? :D**

 **thank you for R &F&F I love youu :) :D **


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter VI.**

Anna was sitting in the car waiting for John, who was pacing back and forth, talking to someone on the phone. He looked very unhappy, almost angry at one point, but there was a moment when he looked up and gave her a smile. The light breeze was playing with his hair and to Anna he looked perfect. She didn't know why she had kissed him. It had just happened, and it had felt right. And by the look on his face, he had been pleased, too. But maybe it had all been in her head. She knew that she wasn't the most successful when it came to men, especially after what had happened to her all those years ago. But John was different. She felt different when she was with him - better, happier, stronger…safer.

He finally ended the call and got into the car.

''Is everything OK?'' she asked him.

''Umm, no. I'm afraid we have to cut our day short. I have to return to the city. I'm so sorry.''

''No, it's OK. Let's go.''

The drive was pleasantly quiet. She did thank him for their little trip. He looked worried, but she didn't ask about it; she didn't want to pry. He dropped her off in front of her flat.

''Thank you for today. Would you like some coffee or tea?''

''I really want to say yes, but I can't. I have something to take care of,'' he said, and she could see he wasn't lying.

''So, I'll see you on Friday?'' They had decided to drive to the lake together on the way home.

''Yes - see you then. I'll pick you up around 4:30 a.m., OK?'' He smiled at her before driving away. His next destination…his home.

When Anna reached her door, Gwen was already waiting for her.

''So?'' she asked.

''So?'' Anna smiled, and Gwen made a face. ''Oh, come in, and I'll make some tea.''

Gwen smiled and followed Anna into her flat.

* * *

''Vera!? Where are you?'' John walked into the house.

She was sitting on the couch, drinking and watching TV.

''Where were you?'' she asked coldly.

''Vera, stop it, OK? Just stop. I will ask you once again, what is it? What do you want? Why did you call me?''

''Where were you?'' she asked him again, not taking her eyes from the screen.

''What do you care where I was?" John stepped into the living room.

''Johnny boy, this is the last time I'll ask you. Where were you?'' she finally looked at him.

''I was at my mum's place.''

''You're lying!" She stood up, moving slowly toward him.

John was starting to get nervous. He knew what was Vera was like - like a ticking time bomb, she could go off at any second. ''I'm not lying, Vera. I spent the night at my mum's.''

She stepped in front of him and sniffed. She could smell perfume, a woman's perfume.

''Who is she?''

''Who is who? What are you talking about?'' John started to sweat.

''You're lying, you bastard!'' she yelled. ''Who is she, hmm?'' She threw the glass she was holding at the wall.

''WHAT'S HER NAME? TELL ME!'' she looked at him with crazed eyes. ''TELL ME OR I'LL CUT YOU!'' She grabbed a bottle from the table and broke the top off on the wardrobe. She pointed the broken glass at his face. ''WHO IS SHE?''

''Vera, there is no one…'' Before he could finish his sentence, he felt a sharp pain on his cheek, the same cheek which hours ago had received the sweetest kiss in the history of kisses. He could feel blood running down his face. She had cut him…again.

John grabbed her by her hand and took the glass out of her fist. ''Vera, stop it!'' he said, and pushed her down onto the couch. She was laughing the whole time.

''Vera, this is the last time you will hurt me, do you hear me!?'' he yelled. He started to feel all kinds of feelings, bad ones, welling up inside of him. ''I'm done with you, do you hear me? We are done!'' He could feel tears beginning to fill his eyes. He was broken, she had broken him a long time ago, over and over again. He hadn't been able to face her; he hadn't been strong enough, maybe he had even been afraid. But not any more. He had been done with her two days ago when he had met Anna. He didn't know why and how, he simply had chosen, and he had chosen Anna. She had saved him in more ways than she could ever imagine.

''We'll be done when I say so, you hear me?! ME, not you, ME!'' Vera screamed at him.

''Vera, I'm leaving you, for good!'' he shouted back, wiping the blood from his cheek with his hand. He started to make his way to the front door when she jumped on his back, screaming, scratching, and beating him like a wild animal.

John Bates had never in his life struck a woman, but this time his instinct kicked in. He grabbed her by her arm and threw her against the wall.

''Come on, hit me, Johnny boy, HIT ME! I dare you!'' she taunted.

He was angry. He wanted to do it, he wanted to hurt her, maybe even kill her, but he didn't. He simply let go of her and walked out of the house, leaving her sitting by the wall. She couldn't follow - the small black device on her leg made sure of that. ''I'm going to get you, one way or another!'' were the last words she spoke before she passed out.

* * *

''He took you where?'' Gwen asked, still not believing her ears.

''To my old military school,'' Anna replied, smiling like a fool.

''OK, he took you to your old school...why?''

''Oh, come on, Gwen, where is the romantic in you? He tried to show me that I matter, that my work mattered. Can't you see?''

''Not really. What kind of a date is that?''

''Who said it was a date?''

''Anna…it was a date!'' Gwen looked at Anna, who was smiling like the summer sun. ''There's more, isn't there!''

''I kind of kissed him.''

''You kissed him!? What do you mean you "kind of kissed him"? Did you or didn't you?'' Gwen squealed.

''Stop it, Gwen! It was just a peck on his cheek.''

''But…''

''But what, Gwen? What?!''

''Anna, you haven't kissed a man for over 8 years…'' Gwen quietly stated.

Anna's face fell. ''I know, but this is different. He makes me feel different.''

''OK, sit down.'' Anna sat next to her friend. ''Look, Anna, I'm happy that you're happy, and I need you to know I'm here for you, OK? If you ever need anything, all you need to do is knock on my door, day or night. I'm here for you, OK?''

''Thanks,'' Anna smiled and hugged her. She was glad that Gwen knew the secret that she was hiding. It made it easier for her to talk about it, after all these years.

''So how was the kiss? Did he like it?

''I hope so. I mean, he didn't move away, so there's a good start. And Gwen…''

''What?''

''We're going camping together.''

* * *

 **beta: annambates :)* still the best beta in the world**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter VII**

''Socks, jumper, sleeping bag, first aid kit...'' Anna was checking her backpack for the last time.

''Condoms...''

''Gwen! Stop it!'' Anna eyed her.

''I'm just kidding.'' Gwen smiled back and picked up Anna's blue bikini bottoms from her backpack. ''And you're taking this little thing with you because...?''

Anna blushed. '' We always open the swim season by the lake!'' she reminded Gwen, as she took the bikini bottoms from her.

She wasn't lying; it was kind of a Crawley tradition. It had started when Mary had lost a bet against Edith and she had had to jump into the cold water. She had been furious, not because she had lost, but because she had lost to Edith, of all people. Mary was 3 years younger than Anna, and a little stubborn and mean at times, but Anna always knew how to handle her. They had become best friends soon after they had met. Anna had joined Mary's jump into the lake to support her friend. The water had been icy cold, but they had loved it. After that, it had become a kind of tradition in the family...for anyone who was brave enough to jump in, anyway.

''Yes, yes, let's go with that story," teased Gwen. "Well, I'm gonna go and let you get your beauty sleep for someone special...''

''I don't know who you are talking about,'' Anna replied, looking as innocent as she could.

''Yeah, yeah. Good night, and have a nice weekend,'' Gwen said, hugging her and walking to the door. ''And Anna?''

''What?''

''Don't do anything I wouldn't do!'' Gwen laughed and winked at her.

''Oh, just go, Gwen! Bye!'' Anna smiled.

''Bye!''

Anna was walking around the bedroom, changing to her PJs, when her phone went off. It was a text from John.

''Hi, I hope I didn't wake you. :O I just wanted to remind you that I'll pick you up at 4:30 a.m. I hope you are all packed. I'll see you tomorrow. Good night. J '' It was just a short message, which John had sent now because he hoped to hear back from her before he went to bed.

''Hello, I was just getting ready for bed. And yes, I packed everything…I hope. Good night to you, too,'' Anna texted back. She waited about 5 minutes for an answer, but it didn't come, and she had to admit to herself she was a little disappointed. She threw her phone onto her nightstand and covered herself with a blanket. When she had finally settled down, her phone went off. She turned around with rocket speed and grabbed it.

''Don't forget the duck! ;) Night :*'' Anna laughed and ran to the bathroom. She had some more packing to do.

* * *

''I'm coming!'' Anna shouted, opening the door.

He had his back to her and, when he finally turned, Anna's smile fell. His left cheek was bruised and he had a cut under his left eye. Although he had buttoned his shirt up to the collar, she could see traces of scratching on his neck. ''What happened? Are you OK?'' Her hand was on his cheek in a second. ''Does it hurt?'' she asked him, slowly tracing the cut with her fingers.

''I'm OK. I'll survive,'' he answered, and shifted his head away from her touch. He didn't want her to see him like that. ''I had a little accident. It's nothing to worry about.''

Anna was a little hurt when he pulled away from her touch. ''Are you sure?''

''Yes, I'm sure. Shall we?'' He gave her a quick smile and pointed to her backpack.

She was still a little confused. ''Yeah, let's go.'' Grabbing her backpack and locking her door, she followed him to the car.

After a 5 minute drive, Anna could not be quiet anymore. ''You want to talk about it?''

''Talk about what?'' he answered.

''John…I don't know what happened to you yesterday, but when you left me your face did not look like this.''

He was quiet for a moment, thinking about what to say next. He couldn't tell her about what really happened, but he didn't want to lie to her either. ''Anna…I just, I can't talk about it, OK? I want to, but I can't. Not yet.'' That was all he could say.

She could see he was in pain, and not just physical. His eyes were sad. It reminded her of the night they had met on the roof and that scared her even more. ''Are you in some kind of trouble? At least tell me that!''

''No, no one is after me or anything like that. It's just that I have a past that won't really leave me alone yet.'' This was the only answer he could give her without lying. ''So don't worry, OK? I'm fine.''

''If you say so.'' She was hurt; she couldn't understand why he couldn't tell her what had really happened. Sure, they had only met a few days ago - she couldn't expect him to tell her everything - but it pained her to know someone or something had hurt him and she wasn't able to help him or at least talk with him about it.

''Look, Anna - I don't want you to be upset all weekend, so let's just enjoy these three days with the Crawleys and forget about what happened to me.''

''How can I forget about it? Have you seen yourself in the mirror lately?'' She was still looking at him.

''Anna, I'm fine, OK? I'm fine! Just…just can we not talk about it anymore?! Please,'' he said, his voice cracking.

''OK,'' she answered, but her mind was already making plans. She had to find out what was going on with him. Maybe she'd ask Robert or Cora - someone must know something.

After half an hour's drive, they finally arrived at Robert's. Pulling into the driveway, they could see the whole Crawley family hurrying around the car, packing and shouting at each other.

''WE ARE LATE!'' Cora yelled at Robert.

''I KNOW THAT, DARLING!'' he shouted back.

''Come, you two, let's go,'' Mary, the eldest daughter, said. ''Oh, look - Anna and Uncle John just arrived.''

John parked his car, and Anna was out in a second, running toward Mary.

''Hello, you!'' she smiled and hugged her.

''Annaaaa!'' Mary cried, and hugged her back. ''It's been a long time, too long! How are you?''

''I'm fine, but enough about me. Let me look at you! Congratulations!?''

''Oh, don't start!'' Mary was 7 months pregnant. She didn't really show that much, but she felt like a whale. ''I can't wait for him to be out of me!'' Mary said, rolling her eyes.

''It's a boy? Ohh, Mary, he's going to be beautiful. And where is the proud father-to-be?'' Anna asked, then saw Matthew walking out of the house. ''Matthew, come here!'' Anna let go of Mary and gave him a hug. ''Hi, Anna! She didn't tell you?'' he asked.

''Well, you know Mary - she was never the type to write letters. But I'm happy for you two,'' Anna beamed. She had known them for so long.

Mary had met Matthew at a student dorm party. While for him it had been love at first sight, the opposite could be said about Mary. She hadn't liked him one bit. He was, as she had liked to put it then, too simple for her. He had followed her around like a sick puppy. After 6 months, she had finally given in and accepted his invitation to go on a date...and had ended up having the best time of her life. He was funny, charming, and smart, everything she had thought he wasn't. After all, he had been studying to become a lawyer. They had shared a kiss at the end of that night, and the rest was history.

They started to chat, when John finally reached them.

''Uncle John, what the heck happened to you?'' Mary asked, as she hugged him. ''Are you OK?''

''I'm fine, how about you? How's the baby?'' he quickly changed the subject.

''Well, you know me - never a complainer.''

''Sure...'' John smiled and turned to Matthew. ''I need to talk with you. It's about Vera,'' he whispered into his ear. Matthew only nodded and said, ''We can talk about it by the lake.''

''ROBERT, COME ON, WE NEED TO GO!'' Cora shouted, and then turned to Anna and John. ''Hello, you two! Are you ready for another crazy weekend by the lake?''

''I know I am,'' Anna answered looking at John. ''Where are Edith and Sybil?''

''They left yesterday. They both wanted to spend one night alone with their sweethearts,'' Mary mocked.

''Maaary! Edith and Michael just wanted to prepare the camp for us, and as for Sybil and that Tom guy, they are just friends!'' Robert said looking at Mary.

''Yeah, yeah, keep telling yourself that," Mary smiled at him.

''So who is driving with whom?" Robert asked.

''I think I need some proper time with Anna, so I suggest we girls take the jeep and you boys can take John's Land Rover,'' Mary answered.

''I agree!'' Cora said. ''Robert, give me the keys, come on.''

Robert looked at her and slowly gave her his keys. ''Just drive carefully - don't hurt my baby, OK!?''

''Dad, I'm 27,'' Mary groaned, getting into the car.

''I was talking about the car!'' Robert called back, running to John's car.

''ROBERT!'' Cora laughed and started the Jeep.

''See you by the lake?'' John whispered, passing Anna. His rough voice made Anna jump. She was still mad, because he wouldn't tell her more about what had happened to him, but she couldn't stop herself from giving him a smile back.

* * *

The girls had been driving for several minutes when Mary finally spoke.

''So, Anna, how are you?''

''I already told you that I'm back and happy to be back, no matter the reason for my return.'' Anna looked at Mary, who sat next to Cora.

''And how is John?'' Mary looked at Cora and smiled.

''What do you mean?''

''Oh, come, what is going on with you two? You looked like an old married couple quarrelling over something when you got out of the car. I didn't even know you two knew each other. Isn't he a little too old for you? I mean…''

Anna interrupted her. ''Mary, stop it! There is nothing going on between us! I met him a few days ago!''

''OK, OK, sorry, I just thought there was something between you two,'' Mary said

''Well, there isn't,'' Anna answered, gazing through the window, watching the trees going by.

''Mary, leave Anna alone,'' Cora scolded.

''And what do you mean 'he's a little too old for you?''' Anna asked after a few seconds of quiet.

Cora and Mary started to laugh, and Anna started laughing, too. ''So there IS something going on!" Mary exclaimed, "Do tell.''

''There is nothing to tell, really. We met a few days ago and then Robert asked us to join you guys. That's all.'' She didn't want to tell them about how they met; she didn't know if it was her place to talk about John's problems.

''But you fancy him, don't you?'' Cora asked.

''I don't know, I don't really know him, but he is interesting.''

''That he is. I remember when he was 25 - he was such a stud! I mean, everyone was in love with him. He had longer hair than he does now and his body was…''

''OK, OK, Mum - stop it, come on! Weren't you already married to Dad at the time?'' Mary said with disgust on her face.

''I was, but a woman can still look, can't she?'' Cora chuckled.

Anna was sitting on the back seat, trying not to laugh at the Crawley girls, but she couldn't stop thinking about young John. "Do you have any pictures?''

''Oh, yes, we do!'' Cora replied, while Mary turned to Anna and said, ''Are you for real? You are hot for my dad's best friend!''

''Ahh, come one, he's cute!''

''He's sexy,'' Cora piped up.

''Mother! What is with you?'' Mary exclaimed. ''Stop it!''

Cora only laughed and said, ''Anna, he's a good man. He had some troubles in the past - he was really hurt by someone - but he is a very, very good man. So my advice is to go for it.''

''Thanks,'' was all that Anna could say.

''You two are crazy,'' Mary said.

''Just...can we not talk about him, when the boys are around? I don't want him to know I like him, not just yet," Anna added.

''Sure, as you like," the girls answered.

* * *

''So, John, what was it you wanted to talk about?'' Matthew asked.

''It's Vera. As you can see, we had a little misunderstanding…again,'' John replied, showing the guys the cut on his face. ''She went crazy the other day - she jumped me and started beating me and scratching.''

''And the reason for her behaviour?''

''Well, you know her - she can snap at any time, for no reason at all. I left her the other night, and she called me, saying she needed to talk. When I arrived, she started to scream at me. She completely lost it - she cut me with a broken bottle, that bitch! I can't live like that anymore. I need that divorce, Matthew. I need it now!'' John said.

''Are you still staying with your mother?'' Matthew asked.

''I am. ''

''Did you hurt Vera back?''

''No. I wanted to," John admitted, "...but I didn't.''

''I'll talk with her lawyer when we return from the lake, OK?''

''Thank you!''

''Does Anna know about Vera?'' Robert asked.

''No, I haven't told her yet. She did have questions this morning when she saw my face, but I didn't tell her. How can I? If Vera finds out about Anna, I'm a dead man! I don't need to tell you what Vera or her men friends would do, if she finds out I have met someone. So, please, not a word to Anna about Vera!''

''You have to tell her, man. If she finds out about her from anyone else…''

''I know, Robert, I know. It's just that I think I really like her and I don't want to scare her away.''

''John…she was a soldier. She can handle the truth about Vera,'' Robert reminded him. Then he added, "You are my oldest friend, but if you hurt Anna, I'll hurt you, OK? She is like a fourth daughter to me!"

''Yes, Robert,'' John replied. Robert was like a brother to him. They had met in an army hospital when Robert had gotten hurt in the field. John had been his doctor. They had clicked immediately, despite the fact that Robert was 9 years older than John. They had talked about everything, and after Robert was approved to go back to the field, he had asked John to join him. Vera had already started making trouble and John had wanted to get away from her, so he had accepted Robert's offer.

Together they'd seen all the horrors of the war and, when John had been unable to save the life of Mary's boyfriend, Patrick, Robert had been one of the few who hadn't blamed him for Patrick's death. John might have been able to save him, but there had been bombs falling all around them, and he hadn't been able to move to get the first aid kit – he had frozen. For the first time in his life, he had been scared to death. Bodies had been lying around him, but he had only been able to hear Patrick screaming and the sound of bombs...and when he had finally started to run toward the kit, the impact of a bomb had thrown him against the wall. When he had finally woken up, Patrick had already died, and he felt it was all because of his fear. John had never forgiven himself for freezing like that. He had betrayed his colleagues; they had died because he had been too big of a coward. He had spent a few months in the hospital, had undergone therapy, but he hadn't been able to forget about Patrick or to forgive himself for not helping him when he had had the chance. Vera had been no help at all; she had yelled at him, accusing him of being the worst soldier ever and a pathetic excuse for a man. That hadn't helped John at all, but with the support of his mother and Robert's family, he had somehow beaten the depression and after 2 years and half returned back to the field. But once again, luck hadn't been on his side. A bomb blast had injured his knee, and after only 2 years in the field, he had returned home, once again full of guilt.

''So, you think you like our Anna, hmm?'' Robert teased.

''Can you blame him? She is very, very...'' Matthew started to say, when Robert stopped him. ''Matthew, must I remind you that you're talking to your future father-in-law about a woman who is not your fiancée?''

Matthew only blushed and leaned back in his seat.

''When I met her, I thought I liked her. I mean...she is breathtakingly beautiful. But now I know I like her as a person. But she is too good for me, Robert.''

''She is too good for everyone,'' Robert smiled.

* * *

After two hours' drive, they finally reached the lake. It was the same as Anna remembered - a little place reserved only for the Crawleys. After all, they were the owners of all the land around the vast Downton Lake. ¾ of the lake property had been made into the public camp; the rest of the area was reserved only for the family. There was a small house near the lake reserved for Robert's mother, Violet, when she visited, but the family used the camp near the lake. There was a small pier nearby, where a person could jump into the lake without fear of getting hurt, and the lake was surrounded by a thick forest. It was a little heaven on earth, and Anna loved it.

The tents were already set up when they arrived. Edith, Sybil, Michael, and Tom hurried over and helped them unpack the cars.

''How was the drive?'' Sybil asked, and added, ''Anna, John, this is my Tom, and this is Michael, Edith's fellow.''

''Hi!'' Tom and Michael said in one voice.

''Hello,'' said Anna, and gave them both a hug. ''Nice to meet you.''

''Hi, I'm John,'' John said, as he offered them his hand.

''Come, let's go,'' Mary said and started to walk toward the tents.

John started to count the tents. ''One, two, three, four...five!" There were 10 campers - Robert and Cora, Mary and Matthew, Edith and Michael, Sybil and Tom…and Anna and himself… Would they end up sharing a tent?'' He started to perspire, wondering whether he was going to sleep near her.

''Here we are, Anna. I hope you don't mind sharing a tent with John?'' Sybil asked.

''She won't mind,'' Mary said, too loudly for Anna's liking.

''Shut up, Mary,'' Anna whispered, nudging her in the ribs. ''No, I don't mind, if he doesn't," she answered and looked at John, who had the biggest smile on his face.

''I don't mind,'' he answered simply, and started moving to THEIR tent.

* * *

 **beta: annambates :))))*****

 **thanks for all the R &F&F and Isis the dog I can't reply to your reviews but you're the best :))**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter VIII**

The campers spent the day talking, fishing, and napping under the late spring sun. Anna and John didn't spend much time together. She was catching up with the girls' lives and he spent the day fishing with the boys, till the evening.

They started a campfire and grilled some of the fish they had caught over the flames. Tom was a proper party boy, singing old songs and drinking. Robert was not impressed, not impressed at all. But Sybil seemed to really like him, so he held his tongue, plus Cora had mentioned something about him sleeping outside the tent if he said so much as a word against him. They ate their fish, telling old stories, having a great time. Michael and Edith excused themselves after dinner, taking a stroll around the lake. Mary left early, too, complaining about pain in her back, and Matthew really didn't have the heart to leave her alone in their tent. Before midnight, Robert and Cora left, also, leaving Tom, Sybil, Anna, and John alone by the fire. Anna and Tom had really clicked - they were drinking and talking about some old movie.

''Sybil, how are you? How's school?''

''Well, I'm good. School is good.'' She was studying to become a nurse.

''So, where did you met this fine Irish boy?'' John asked, pointing to Tom, who was making a funny face, trying to make Anna laugh.

''The old-fashioned way, really - in a bar. He was drunk and I helped him get home, nothing special. I know he can be a lot to take in, but he's really sweet. I know Papa can't see it, but he's a really good guy.''

''That's good. And don't worry about Robert. You know how he is - he needs time to adjust to new things. And don't forget that you are still his little girl, no matter how old you are.''

''Yeah, I know. How about you? How are you?''

''I'm as good as I can be.'' John smiled at his goddaughter.

''So, what's the story about you and Anna?''

''There is no story.''

''I heard something different!''

''What are you talking about?'' John smiled at her.

''Well, let's just say that girls talk.'' She winked at him and returned his smile.

John was about to say something, when Tom joined them. ''Sybil, I think I'm going to be sick...can we go?''

''Yes, let's go, Tommy boy, come on.'' Sybil put her arms around him and started walking toward their tent, leaving Anna and John all alone.

Anna was sitting on a blanket, staring into the fire.

'May I join you?'' John asked her.

Anna slowly looked at him and smiled. ''Yeah, sure. Beer?''

''No, thank you, '' he said, sitting down next to her.

''Okey dokey, more for me, then.'' She was a little drunk. She had had more than a few beers in Tom's company and the fact she that she hadn't touched a drop for two years really wasn't helping.

''Are you OK?''

''I'm very, very good. I'm alive, I have my friends and my family - well, a kind of family - and...John?''

''What?" He smiled at her - she looked so adorable.

''Don't tell anybody, but I think I like you.'' She smiled at him and had another sip of beer.

''Well, I like you, too.''

''NO, NO, you don't understand,'' she said, looking at him. ''I 'LIKE you' like you.''

''Oh.'' He hadn't expected that. He knew she'd had some drinks, but he was still surprised.

Anna saw his face. ''Oh, you don't like me? Why don't you like me?''

''No, no, it's not that. I do like you. I like you a lot,'' he said quickly.

''But why won't you tell me what happened to you yesterday? I really want to know. I want to help you.'' Her voice was like a whisper.

''I know you want to, but you can't. I have to fix it myself,'' John answered her.

She finished her beer and opened another one. John watched her silently. The shadows of the fire made her look stunning. She really was beautiful. Her hair was shining like stars in a clear sky. She looked like an angel - a drunk one, but still an angel. And she had said she liked him. True, she'd said it with a few beers in her system, but he would never forget it.

''Hey, John?'' Anna said slowly putting her head on his shoulder. ''Do you believe in love?''

He was quiet. He didn't know what to say. ''I did,'' he finally answered. ''I really, really did. Why do you ask?''

She didn't answer. All he could hear was her steady breathing; she had fallen asleep. John chuckled. He stood up, taking Anna in his arms, and started to walk to their tent. He slowly put her into her sleeping bag, and went to put the fire out. When he returned, she was sleeping a like baby, all curled up under the cover of the sleeping bag. He slowly removed his trousers and slid into his own sleeping bag. He stared at her for some time, just watching her sleep. But after so many sleepless nights, he finally drifted off, this time with a smile on his face.

* * *

Anna slowly opened her eyes. Her head was spinning and she felt a little bit sick. All she could feel was steady breathing against her neck, a warm figure against her back, and a heavy weight around her middle. She needed a moment to gather her thoughts. She looked down and she could see a hairy arm holding her around her middle. She slowly turned her whole body around and she came face to face with John, who was still snoring next to her. Anna smiled. He looked cute - he was wearing a v-neck t-shirt, and she could see his chest hair poking over the neckline of his shirt. His hair was a mess, and she started imagining how good it would be to wake up to this sight every morning for the rest of her life. His arm was still around her, and the weight of it felt heavenly. Some of his hair fell over his eyes, and she was trying to fix it when he moved. Anna quickly pulled her hand back. He mumbled something, but she couldn't understand. She was looking at his soft lips, when he finally spoke. ''Anna? You're staring.''

''No, I'm not.'' She blushed.

''Yes, you are.'' He slowly opened his eyes, looking at her. ''Did you sleep well?''

''I don't know - my head hurts.''

He chuckled. ''I'm sure it does. You have to thank Tom for that.'' He slowly moved his arm from her hips. ''You said you were cold, so I did my best...'' he quickly explained.

''Thank you, and I'm so sorry if I said anything stupid yesterday. I can't remember a thing after that third beer,'' Anna said, rubbing her eyes.

His face fell for a second. She didn't remember a thing she'd said. Maybe it was for the best, he thought to himself. "Don't worry, you were an angel.''

''I don't know about that. I mean…'' Anna began, when someone started to pull open the zipper on their tent. ''Wakey wakey, sunshines!'' It was Robert. ''Breakfast is ready, come on!''

''We're coming'' John called, starting to sit up and get out of his sleeping bag. He was pulling his trousers on when he caught her staring at him. ''Are you OK?''

'Yeah, I'm fine,'' Anna answered, still looking at his red boxers. He looked good - more than good - and he filled them really, really well.

''Coming?'' John said, pulling his zipper up.

''In a minute,'' she answered, starting to get out of the sleeping bag.

Everyone was already finished with breakfast when Anna finally joined them.

''Anna, are you OK? You look a little bit worn out. I hope John didn't tire you,'' Mary smirked, drinking her coffee. Everybody's eyes were on Anna.

''It was Tom, actually,'' Anna said, making everybody look at Tom, who was sitting next to her.

''What?'' Robert yelled, stepping toward Tom, who didn't have a clue what was going on.

''Papa, it was a joke,'' Sybil quickly said, standing in front of Tom.

''Oh, I'm sorry. I thought...'' Robert said.

''Yeah, we all know what you thought,'' Cora said. ''So do we have any plans for today?''

''I'm going back to sleep,'' Tom said. ''My poor baby, come on,'' Sybil said, and helped him stand up. They slowly made their way back to their tent.

''I think I'll go fishing. Anyone want to join me?'' Matthew asked.

''We'll go with you,'' Edith said, and looked at Michael for approval.

''OK, honey?'' Matthew asked, looking at Mary. ''No, thank you. I'll just spend the day here. I have some reading to do.''

''Cora? What do you have planned for us?'' Robert asked.

''I thought we should walk around the grounds and check to see if everything is in order. What do you think?'' Cora replied.

''What a great idea - Mama will surely ask about the place. Let's go!'' Robert exclaimed.

''How about you two?" Cora asked, looking toward Anna and John.

''I think I will go for a run. I need to clear my head,'' Anna said.

''OK, then, have fun!'' Cora said, and hurried to join Robert, who had already started down the path that led around the lake.

Anna turned to John. ''Care to join me?''

''OK, but you do know my knee is all messed up?''

''We'll go slowly.'' She smiled at him. ''I'm just going to change into something more sporty.''

''And I will clean this mess up,'' John said, as he started to clear the table.

After 15 minutes, Anna finally stepped out of the tent, wearing black running shorts and a white top. John felt like he couldn't breathe. She was hot - the outfit made her figure, breasts, hips, and bottom look perfect. He couldn't believe she was still single.

''John? You can go and change, if you want.''

''Yeah, I'll do that. Just a moment.''

When John returned, he found Anna warming up, doing some stretching. The way she moved made his body react in the most pleasant way he could imagine, and he started to feel something he hadn't felt for a long time. ''John, pull yourself together,'' he said to himself, and called, ''Anna, we can go!''

She looked up and it was her turn to be mesmerized by him. He was wearing blue shorts and a black shirt. His muscled legs went on and on; he was a very well-built man. His broad shoulders made Anna bite her lip and she could feel butterflies in her belly. ''Yes, let's go,'' she finally said.

They started running, slowly at first, down the path through the forest. Anna was running in front of John and he almost tripped, looking at her fine figure dancing before him.

''Are you OK?'' Anna asked when he tripped for the third time. ''Am I too fast for you...?''

''No!'' he retorted.

''No, hmm? Prove it!'' she shouted, and started to run faster.

John smiled and started to run after her, but she was fast, really fast. He did his best, but his knee started to act up. He was starting to feel the pain, but he couldn't just let her win, so he started to run faster and faster. Soon he was right behind her, only an arm's length from her shoulder, when he heard a crack coming from his knee. ''Fuuuck!'' was the only thing Anna could hear. She stopped running, turned around, and saw him kneeling by the path, holding his knee. She quickly ran toward him. ''Are you OK?'' She immediately knelt by his side. ''John, are you all right?'' She was worried.

He looked up slowly and started to laugh, which confused her. ''I won!'' was the only thing he said.

''You tricked me? You tricked me!'' Anna exclaimed and pushed him.

When he felt her push, he quickly grabbed her arms, trying to sustain his balance, but it was too late. He fell onto his back and she quickly followed him, falling directly on top of him. Her hands were spread on his sweaty chest and they were still giggling when their eyes finally met. His hand slowly moved a lock of her hair behind her ear, and he could feel her hands grabbing his shirt. Anna bit her lip, while her hand started to make little circles on his chest. John slowly moved his hand from her hair to her lips, tenderly tracing her bottom lip with his thumb. They started to close the gap between them, and soon their lips were only an inch apart. Suddenly they heard a scream coming from the camp. They jumped apart immediately, looking at each other. ''Mary!'' Anna said.

They stood up and started to race back to camp.

* * *

 **the BEST beta in the world: annambates :))))**

 **thanks for all the R &F&F...***********


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter IX.**

''Mary, are you OK? What happened?'' Anna asked, when she finally reached her. Mary was lying on the pier, clutching her belly.

''I slipped,'' Mary cried.

''Just lie still! John!'' Anna called, turning around seeing John, who was slowly running toward them. His knee was killing him. ''She fell,'' she informed him.

''Let me see. Mary, are you OK? Do you feel any pain in your abdomen?'' He slowly and tenderly started to examine her belly.

''No, I don't think so. Is something wrong with the baby? Uncle John...?'' Mary said with tears in her eyes.

He was still tracing his hand around her belly. ''Can you stand up?''

''I don't think so. My ankle hurts.'' John and Anna helped her to stand up and sat her on the chair.

''Let me see...yeah, it's sprained. We have go to the hospital...NOW!'' John said, looking at Mary, who cried, ''What about the baby? John?!''

He could see the panic in her eyes. ''I think…''

''YOU THINK?!'' She started to cry. ''What kind of a doctor are you?! Is this the reason Patrick died, because you were only able to think and not do anything about it?!'' she yelled at him in panic.

John froze when she mentioned Patrick; he could feel the guilt spreading through his body. He looked at her, not saying a word. He simply picked her up in his in arms and started carrying her toward the car.

Anna was worried. She had never seen Mary panic. Mary never cried, never; even when her long-term boyfriend Patrick had died, not a single tear. She had her own way of dealing with pain and loss. Anna slowly followed them toward the car. Suddenly they heard shouting from behind - it was Matthew, running toward them. He was soaked and his face was pale. ''What happened?! Mary dear, are you all right? Is the baby all right? Are you hurt?'' He was babbling. He had seen her fall while he was in a boat on the lake, fishing. ''John, is she all right? How about the baby?''

''Matthew! Stop!'' Mary cried back. She was scared and he was making her even more scared by panicking, because he was usually the calm one in the family.

''Matthew, calm down. We are taking her to the hospital, all right?'' Anna said, walking over to him.

''OK, OK,'' Mathew said, still as pale as a sheet.

John was helping Mary into the car when Matthew opened the driver's door. ''And what the hell do you think you are doing?'' John asked, closing the door.

''I'm driving my fiancée and my baby to the hospital!'' Matthew looked at him stubbornly.

''No, you are not. Matthew, you are shaking! Sit back next to your wife and let me drive you, OK?''

''OK'' was all he could say.

''Anna, I'm taking them to the hospital. Stay here and let the family know what happened.''

''John!?'' Anna said pulling him by the sleeve. ''Is the baby all right?''

''Anna...'' he whispered, ''I couldn't feel any movement...'' That was all he could say. Then he pulled the car away, leaving Anna standing in the middle of camp, and she finally had to admit to herself that she was frightened.

* * *

 **beta: annambates :D THANK YOUUUUUUU :)***

 **AND THANKS FOR ALL THE R &F&F**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter X.**

''WHERE IS SHE?'' shouted Robert, barging into the hospital, Cora following right behind. ''Is she all right? How about the baby?''

John was sitting in the hall and stood up when he saw them. ''She's OK and the baby is fine. Her ankle is a bit messed up, so she'll need to rest for a couple of weeks, but other than that, they're fine.''

''Are you sure the baby is OK?'' Cora asked.

''I'm sure,'' he smiled. ''But you can check with Mary's doctor, if you want. He's in her room.'' John nodded toward the door.

Cora left to check on Mary, leaving John and Robert in the hall. John looked at Robert, and was surprised to see that he was crying. ''Hey, hey - what's the matter? Mary is OK, the baby is OK. Come sit down.'' John helped him sit down; Robert was shaking.

''Yeah, yeah, I know...it's just when Anna said that there might be a problem with the baby, I kind of lost it.'' Robert wiped the tears from his cheeks. ''It brought all the bad memories back - of Cora, of our own baby boy.''

A few years ago, Cora had found out that she was pregnant again. It was a big shock, especially for Robert - he had thought he was done with babies. But after a long talk with Cora, he was absolutely glowing. He had thought life couldn't get any better, and then they had found that the baby was a boy. Robert couldn't believe his luck...but then it all went wrong. Cora had been feeling sick for a week and, as she was leaving the house to go to the doctor, she suddenly passed out, falling down the front stairs. When the postman had found her, she was unconscious and bleeding. He had called the ambulance but it had been too late; the doctor had been unable to save their little boy. Cora had been devastated, and she had blamed herself. But Robert couldn't let her do that - it hadn't been her fault, it hadn't been anybody's fault. If army life had taught him anything, it was that things happen - bad and good things - and most of the time the good guys get hurt. He had tried to be there for her, trying to help them both move on in the best way they knew. It had been hard, but in the end the love they shared was stronger than their grief. They had moved on with their lives, but would never forget about their little boy.

John looked at Robert, who was still crying. ''Ohh, Robert...''

Robert looked up. ''I'm sorry. I don't mean to embarrass you.''

''I'm not embarrassed. I just wish you'd been spared that, both of you.''

''I know you do, thank you.'' Robert said, and smiled at him.

''Robert, are you coming?'' Cora was standing by the door to Mary's room, but then came and sat down next to him. ''Are you OK, love?''

''I'm all right. What did the doctor say?'' He dried his tears and look at her.

''The same as John. They are both all right. Come and see.'' She stood up and offered him her hand, which he gladly took. ''John, are you coming, too?''

''No, no, it's OK. Go be with your family. I'll just go back to the camp and help the rest of them clean up,'' John said, starting to get up. He didn't want to see Mary. He couldn't look her in the eyes, not after what she had said. He knew she hadn't meant it, but it had still hurt, hearing her talk to him like that.

''OK. Could you tell everybody that we're fine?" Cora asked. "I think Robert and I will stay here a little bit longer and then just head home. I don't think I could spend the night by the lake, wondering how Mary is.''

''Yeah, don't worry. I'll tell them.'' John started to walk away.

''And John…'' He turned around. ''Thank you,'' Cora smiled.

* * *

It was already evening when John finally arrived back at the lake. Before he could open the car door, Edith and Sybil were already bombarding him with questions. ''Is she all right? How's the baby?!''

''They are fine. Everything is going to be all right,'' John answered. Both smiled and hugged him.

''Thank god - we were so worried!" Edith exclaimed. "Michael and I didn't see anything, then all of a sudden we heard her scream, and the next minute Matthew was in the water, swimming toward shore. When we got back to camp, you had already left.''

''And then Mama and Papa left. The phone reception isn't very strong here, so we couldn't reach you or them, so we decided to wait,'' Sybil added. ''But you're sure they're fine?''

''They are all fine - Mary, Matthew, Robert, Cora, and the little one," John smiled. "They are all OK.''

''Well, Michael and I have already packed our things. We are leaving for the city; he has an early morning meeting, I'm afraid. Michael! Let's go!" Edith called, waving to him. She kissed John goodbye and left.

John and Sybil walked toward the middle of the camp where Tom and Anna were waiting for them, anxious to hear the news. Sybil let go of John's arm and ran into Tom's embrace. She held him and started to cry; she was so relieved that Mary and the baby were all right.

When Anna saw Sybil crying, she thought the worst. She wrapped her arms around herself and looked at John, and she could feel the tears in her eyes. ''John?''

''They are both OK,'' John reassured her. She was in his arms in a second, weeping. ''Oh, my god - I thought...''

''Yeah, I know, but they are fine.'' He hugged her back, leaning his head on top of hers. He was tired, and her tiny, warm body felt so good against his. She was still sobbing when he slowly backed away, not letting go of her hand.

''Why are you crying?'' John looked into her eyes.

''It's just...I'm happy that they are OK.'' She smiled back, through her tears.

They were still holding hands when Tom and Sybil approached them. ''We are going to get some sleep,'' Sybil said. ''It's been a long day and we're leaving for Ireland tomorrow afternoon. I'm going to meet Tom's parents.''

''Well, good luck with that, pumpkin.'' John let go of Anna and gave Sybil a hug. ''And Tom, take care of her, or Robert won't be the only one hunting you down.'' He smiled and offered him his hand, which Tom gladly took. ''I will, don't worry.''

''Bye, Anna! It was good to see you again,'' Sybil said, hugging her. ''And good luck with John,'' she whispered into her ear. Anna blushed and added, ''Sybil, thanks...and have fun in Ireland. Bye, Tom!''

Then they left, leaving Anna and John alone.

''Hungry? I've put away some sandwiches for you.''

''Starving,'' he smiled.

He was sitting on the end of the pier, his legs dangling over the edge, when Anna brought him the plate.

''Here you go.'' She offered him a plate, smiling and sitting down next to him.

''Thank you.'' He started to eat, quietly staring into the water. She sat silently, waiting for him to speak.

''Anna?'' he finally said.

''What?'' she smiled.

''Can you hold me?'' The words came quietly. John looked up slowly and she could see the tears in his eyes. ''Come here...'' was the only thing she could say, and she opened her arms to him.

He slowly put his head on her lap and lay down, as she started to caress his hair. She was warm and her touch felt heavenly. He could smell her light lavender scent; she smelled so good. She was still running her hand through his hair, when she asked him, ''Do you want talk about it?''

''About what?''

''I don't know…Patrick, maybe?'' she quietly replied. She had known Patrick; she had even introduced him to Mary when they were teenagers. They had fallen in love and there had even been some talk about a wedding, but he had decided to join the army first. He had been so happy when he had found out that he would be serving under his future father-in-law, but then that bomb had gone off, and he had died. Mary had almost had a breakdown when they had told her. She didn't sleep or talk for weeks; at one point, she didn't even eat. She had been angry at her dad, who she felt hadn't looked after Patrick as he had promised, and when she found out that John was the doctor in the field, she had been even angrier. She had felt betrayed by her own family. After weeks of silence, she had finally started to talk. The only thing she had wanted was to talk to John. She had to know what had gone wrong. He had told her whole truth - how the bomb had gone off and how he had tried to help Patrick, but he had frozen. The only thing he had heard was the sound of bombs falling all around and Patrick's cries for help. When John had finally snapped out of it, it was already too late. Another bomb had gone off and, when he had regained his consciousness, he had found himself lying in a hospital bed. John and Mary had cried together.

''I thought she'd forgiven me.''

''Forgiven you for what?''

He told her what had happened, and she just listened. She had already known a bit, but not all, about John's part in the whole story. ''I killed him,'' he said at the end of his story.

Anna looked down at him and let go of his hair. ''Sit up!'' she demanded.

John sat up and looked at her, and she could see traces of tears on his cheeks.

''Don't you ever say that again, you hear me? Never! You were a doctor - you still are - and at times like this you have to remember the lives you were able to save and not focus on the lives you couldn't. I know how it is when those bombs go off - it's scary, and we all get scared. You saw so many terrible things happen to the people who entrusted you with their lives. You fixed some of them, but you can't expect to save them all, you just can't. Do you hear me?! I knew Patrick - he was a great kid and he would hate it if he knew you were being so hard on yourself. He wouldn't want that. I wasn't there, but I know the feeling of not being able to help others. Sometimes it's too much and you freeze; your mind wants you to move but you can't. So stop blaming yourself! You are a fine man and you deserve better. Do you understand me?!'' She was so upset with him.

''But...'' He tried to argue back.

''No buts! I blamed myself, too, for all the lives I wasn't able to save, but you can't save all of them. And I know this is hard to understand, but you can't continue to blame yourself - it could kill you. The important thing is that you did your best!''

''But that's the thing - I didn't do my best. I could have saved him, but I froze. Don't you understand - I froze! I couldn't move, my mind went black!'' John whispered.

''John, you are only human. You can't blame yourself!''

''But I do. And Mary does, too - you heard her.''

''She was scared, John. She said the first thing she could think of. You have to talk to her.''

''No, I can't. I can't look her in the eyes.''

''You have to! If you don't, it will haunt you till the day you die. Trust me, I know.''

''Anna...''

''John, just talk to her. I know she's sorry for saying it. She is just so scared of getting hurt. You know her - if anything goes wrong, she starts to push people away with her misbehavior. Promise me you'll talk to her! Please!''

He looked at her face and he could see the fire in her eyes. She was a stubborn little thing. ''I promise,'' he finally said.

''Good,'' she smiled at him. ''So, what do you think - should we open the swimming season?'' she added after a few minutes of silence.

''What are you talking about?'' He looked at her, confused.

She only nodded toward the lake.

''Anna, it's only May. We'll freeze!''

''Oh, come on! What are you - afraid or something?'' She stood up and started to unzip her shorts. ''Come on, hurry up.'' John watched her with his mouth open. Was she for real? ''What are you looking at? Come on, take them off!'' She took her shorts off, then started to undo the buttons on her blouse.

''You're not bluffing, are you!'' He was shocked and excited when it finally sank in that she was really taking her clothes off in front of him.

''Uh uh. Come on.'' She was now standing on front of him in just her black bra and knickers. ''Should I help you or something?'' she asked, when she saw he was still fully dressed.

''Ummm, no! No, I can do it myself.'' The thought of her taking his clothes off was too much for John. The atmosphere between them changed instantly. Five minutes ago he had been crying on her lap like a baby, and now she was standing before him, looking beautiful. She was petite, but her legs seemed to go on and on. He started to check her out. He started at her feet, his eyes slowly making the path further up - her legs, hips, waist, breasts, shoulders, neck, and finally her face. She was smiling, and she looked absolutely stunning. She was standing in her underwear, only half a meter away from him, and he could feel the itch in his hands - he wanted to touch her so badly, but he couldn't. He slowly took his clothes off. All of a sudden, he became shy, unsure of his body. It wasn't that he wasn't fit - he was - but two years of living on his mum's cooking had made him a little bit softer around his belly, and then his knee didn't look very good. He was standing in front of her, wearing nothing but his red boxers. And she was perfect.

Maybe he was unsure of his body, but Anna couldn't take her eyes from him. She was mesmerised by his body, the same way he was by hers. His broad shoulders, his perfect, strong arms, and his chest all covered in soft black hair - she could only imagine what lay hidden under the thick, red material of his boxers. She was staring at him the same way he had stared at her a few minutes ago. And they both felt it - that there was something between them, something strong. But neither of them said a word...both were too scared.

''Shall we?'' she finally said, offering him her hand.

He took it and said, ''On the count of three - one, two...three!''

And they jumped. The water was cold as ice. When their heads came out of the water, they were smiling like fools.

''Fuck, it's cold! Oh, my god. I think I lost my balls!'' he said, grinning at her.

She laughed. ''Oh, come on - don't be such a baby. It's not bad…for May!''

''Oh, really? Come here!'' he called, and started to swim to her.

''No, no, John, no! Don't you dare!'' she cried, and started to swim away from him, but he was too fast. He reached her before she could get away, then grabbed her head and pushed her under the water. When she came back for air, he was laughing, ''Come here you!'' She tried to push him under water, too, but he was too strong. He grabbed her by her waist and once again she was under water.

''John! Not fair!'' she shouted, swimming toward him. She put her hand on his shoulder and tried to push him down, but he was too strong. The more he laughed at her, the more she tried and tried, but he didn't move an inch. Finally she gave up, and when she was about to swim away from him, John grabbed her by the hips and pulled her close to him. She stopped smiling for a second and looked at him. His lips were all blue from the cold, and his hair was all messy from the water. Water was dripping from the lock of hair on his forehead, and he looked so, so handsome. She slowly moved her hand around to the back of his neck and started to caress the hair she found there.

John could feel her fingers on his neck, slowly making little movements. The water was freezing, but his body was on fire. He slowly pulled her closer and closer, until she was so close that he could feel her small breasts against his chest. They were staring at each other, not saying a word. His hand was drifting from her hips onto her back, when he felt her legs wrap around him. He was in heaven! She was smiling...but there was something missing in her eyes. She looked scared. And she was - she hadn't touched a man for many years...no kisses, no touching, no nothing. She had been too scared for any of that. Not that she hadn't tried in the past, but every time she had forced herself to do anything like this, she had seen that man's filthy face in her mind. But this time was different. Sure, she was still afraid, but for some reason John made her feel safe.

''Anna,'' he whispered, looking into her eyes. He was worried and scared. She made him feel so many things - feelings he thought had died a long time ago.

''What?'' she asked.

''Umm, I just…I mean...'' He couldn't speak. She was beautiful, her soft lips just pleading to be kissed, her soft body wrapped against his.

''Mr. Bates, are you all right?'' she asked him playfully.

That was it. When John heard her use his name, he lost it - he couldn't deny himself the taste of her any longer. He just had to taste her sweet lips, and his lips were on hers in second. She tasted so good, of strawberry lip gloss and herself. He could feel her responding and their mouths started the dance of their lifetime. After a while, he became bolder. He slowly started to caress her lower lip with his tongue, and was thrilled when she eagerly parted her lips for him. John literally thought he was going to die; she felt so good, and tasted even better. Anna was feeling the same as John. When he first began kissing her, her mind had started to panic, yelling at her to push him away and run. But for some reason, she didn't - she kissed him back. Even more, she let herself feel, taste, and open herself to him. And oh my god, he felt and tasted so good. It had been such a long time, far too long.

When they ran out of breath, they finally pulled away from each other. John opened his eyes and looked at her. Her eyes were still closed and he could see her lips were red from the kissing.

All he could say was ''Anna..."

She slowly opened her eyes and gazed at him. ''Shhhhh, don't say a word," she said, and he could see tears in her eyes. He panicked, ''Oh my god - Anna, I'm so sorry! I don't know what came over me, please can you…'' he started to let go of her, when he felt her legs tighten around his waist. ''John, shut up and kiss me!'' was the only thing she said.

Immediately his hands were all over her, her hips, back, neck, their lips once again moving in perfect symphony. When his tongue tenderly asked for permission, he could hear her moan into his mouth. Anna's head was spinning. She couldn't believe it; he made her feel so good. She could feel his arms all over her and she found herself slowly grinding on him, but when his hands started to unclasp her bra, she panicked, and her painful memories surfaced. She let go of John and ended their kiss, and when he looked at her, confused, he could see fear in her eyes. She was trembling, but not just because of the icy water - she was terrified.

''Anna? Did I do something wrong?''

She didn't answer. She turned around and started to swim to the shore, leaving him still standing there in the water. When she reached shore, she quickly gathered her clothes and ran to the tent. The only thing she could hear was John calling her name.

John was confused. He didn't understand what had gone wrong. And at the same time he was angry with himself. What the hell was he doing? He was still married, and he hadn't even told her about Vera. He was not proud of himself. He, too, slowly swam to the shore, picking up his clothes and making his way to their tent. After 10 minutes of standing in front of the tent, he said, ''Anna, are you OK?'' She didn't answer. He could hear her moving around inside, so he tried again. ''Anna, just tell me are you OK. Did I offend you? I'm so sorry, but…'' Before he could finish his sentence, she opened the tent and popped her head out, her eyes red from crying. ''Don't say you're sorry! Please don't say that. I'm the only one who should be apologizing.''

''Can I come in?''

She nodded and left him to squeeze through the door. He covered himself with a blanket and looked at her. She looked so small and frightened, and he was so sorry. ''Why are you apologizing to me? I'm the one who kissed you. I know I shouldn't have, but when you kissed me back, I just thought…''

''You thought right. I kissed you because I wanted to kiss you. It's just…'' Her voice was so small, and she started to cry again.

''Hey, hey, it's all right. Can I hold you?'' he asked her. She just nodded and threw herself into his arms. He didn't have a clue what was happening, but he could feel she needed him to hold her. He slowly lay down, taking her with them. He started to caress her hair and whispered soothing words in her ear, until her crying stopped and he could feel her steady breathing against his chest. She had fallen asleep. He slowly covered them with another blanket and held her close to him. ''What happened to you?'' was the last thing he said, before he fell asleep himself.

* * *

 **the best beta in the world: annambates ;) HVALA**

 **thanks for R &F&F and please review ;))**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter XI.**

It was still dark outside when John slowly opened his eyes. The only thing he could hear was the birds chirping and the sound of steady breathing against his chest. Anna was wrapped against his body like a cocoon and his hand was still around her, shielding her from the outside world. John took his time to observe her, looking down slowly, trying not to wake her up. She looked so small and fragile in his large hands. Her mouth was slightly open and he saw her nose, the cutest nose in the world, twitching a couple of times. He had only known her a week, but he couldn't be more certain - he liked her, far more than he should. He became another man when he was in her company - happier, confident, more certain…simply better. John turned his face into her hair and slowly inhaled. She smelled so good, a little bit of lavender and honey. She really was perfect in every possible way.

She slowly started to turn, but did not wake up, and when he started to make little circles on her back, he could see her smile; it was quick, but definitely there. John smiled at her and remembered last night. He had kissed her. He had no right to do it, but how could he resist her when she felt so perfect in his arms? He hadn't planned for it to happen, but he had thought the moment was right, and when she had kissed him back with the same passion, he had known that it was. Everything had been absolutely perfect - her hands had been creating magic on his neck, her legs had been tangled around him, and her lips, oh my god, so gentle and soft on his. But then it all went wrong. The moment his fingers had started to undo the clasp of her bra, she had jumped away from him, and the look she had given him had almost broken John's heart. He was starting to brood when he felt her moving; she was waking up.

Anna opened her eyes and, for a moment, didn't know where she was. Her head was lying on his chest and she slowly looked up to see him smiling at her.

''Hi,'' he greeted her.

She blinked a couple of times, trying to wake her sleepy eyes. She had never been a morning person. ''Hi,'' she said softly.

''How are you? Feeling any better?'' he asked her.

And then she remembered what had happened. She felt ashamed of herself and of her actions; surely he must be so confused. ''Oh, John, I'm so sorry about yesterday,'' she started to apologize.

''Let me stop you there,'' he said and sat up, bringing her with him. '' I already told you, I'm the one who should be apologizing, not you.''

''What are you talking about? I'm the one who ran away like a lunatic.'' She looked him right in the eyes.

''Yeah, but you ran because I made you uncomfortable. And I'm so sorry about that. It's just that I thought…''

''You thought right...'' she cut him off. He was staring back at her and she could see he was confused. He didn't understand - how could he? ''It just...it felt so good and then...I got scared.'' She moved her gaze away.

''Of what?'' he asked and hoped she wouldn't say that the reason was him.

''Me,'' was the only thing she said.

''What do you mean?''

She looked up. ''John…'' she began, and took a deep breath. ''You are the first man I have kissed in 8 years.''

''What? What do you mean?'' He started to laugh, but quickly stopped when he saw that she was dead serious.

''You heard me...'' her voice cracked.

''Hey, hey - it's all right,'' he said and moved to sit next her, pulling the blanket, which was around him, around her. ''We don't need to talk about it.''

''Do you like me?'' Anna asked, looking into his hazel eyes.

She had surprised him; he hadn't been expecting that question. He could feel his heart start to beat faster and his mouth went dry.

''Anna…''

''It's a simple question, John. Yes or no? Because…I like you. I only met you a week ago, and you've made me feel so many things already, and that scares the crap out of me. For the first time in 8 years I've met someone who makes me feel like myself. I find myself happy when I wake up in the morning, and the only thing I can think about through the day is you. Maybe it's not ladylike to say it, but I'm not a lady, and I don't pretend to be. But I want to know...no, I need to know...do you like me? Because if you don't, you have to tell me now. My heart was already broken once and I can't afford to get hurt again,'' she said, her voice rising.

Anna was staring at him with her big, blue eyes and he could see that she was dead serious. She wanted to know how he felt about her and he was terrified to tell the truth. He liked her so much, maybe even loved her, but he was still a married man. He wanted to kiss her, hold her, and tell her she was the best thing that had happened to him in his whole life. He was brooding and she could see it.

''So?'' she asked him and brought him back from his thoughts. ''What's your answer?''

He wanted to lie and tell her he only liked her as a friend, but his heart was quicker than his brain and before he could stop himself, the words were pouring out of his mouth. ''My answer is YES. I like you. I've liked you from the moment I saw you kneeling on your kitchen floor that morning. I like the way you talk, think, move. I like your smile, your laugh, eyes, lips...I like the way your nose twitches when you sleep. I like the way you smell. I like everything about you and I barely even know you. But my answer is still the same. Yes, Anna May Smith - I like you.''

''Really?'' she asked him with teary eyes.

''Really,'' he replied, smiling like a teenager. ''And I really want to spend some more time with you. What do you think? We can hang out, talk, watch the telly…do the normal stuff friends would do.''

''You want to hang out with me without knowing why I ran from you yesterday?'' she asked, not quite believing he'd want to spend his free time with her after what had happened.

''Yeah.'' He saw the hesitation in her eyes, so he added, ''Look, Anna, I just want to spend some proper time with you. Get to know you and learn everything about you. And of course I want to know why you ran, but I can see it in your eyes that you are not ready to tell me, not yet. And that's fine with me, I understand. Everyone has a secret.'' He really meant what he said; he had a secret too. And he needed to tell her about Vera, but not just yet. ''We can go slow. No pressure. Let's start with being just friends and see where it takes us. What do you think?''

She stared at him. ''We can go slow? Like really, really slow?''

He couldn't stop himself from chuckling. ''We can go as slow as you want.''

''Don't get me wrong, I want to spend time with you…it's just that I was hurt by a man 8 years ago and I think my heart is still broken. I don't want to be hurt again, that's all.'' She turned her face away from him; she couldn't look him in the eye.

But he wouldn't let her turn away - he gently placed his finger under her chin and made her look at him. ''So, let me try to fix you. I'm a doctor after all.'' He chuckled and hoped she wouldn't take his little joke the wrong way. And she didn't - she started to giggle. '' All right.'' For some reason she couldn't make herself say no. Her gut was telling her to go forward and if the army had taught her anything, it was that she should always follow her gut, no matter what was at stake.

''All right, what?'' he asked with a grin. He knew exactly what she had meant. He only wanted to hear her say it, so he knew for sure she had said yes and he hadn't only imagined it.

'We can hang out.''

He smiled like a fool. ''Can I give you a hug?'' He wasn't sure if she would want it.

''Yes, please,'' was all she said.

* * *

It was already 11 a.m. when they had finally packed everything, said their goodbyes, and started the drive back to the city. The atmosphere in the car was pleasant, not a bit awkward, as Anna had thought it might be. John talked about everything and nothing, and she just listened. She was surprised; she had thought he wouldn't want to have anything to do with her after the way she had behaved yesterday. But he did - he really liked her and wanted to spend more time with her. She couldn't wait to get home and tell Gwen everything.

John, on the other hand, was nervous. He tried to hide it, so he talked and talked, when in reality he was cursing himself. She had told him she had been hurt by someone, and she didn't want to go through that again. And still he hadn't said a word about his marriage. He knew he couldn't yet, but that didn't make him feel any better. She had the right to know what she was getting into. But first he had to make sure that she was safe. If Vera found out he had met someone, she wouldn't think twice about sending her guys after both of them. He really had to talk with Matthew.

They finally arrived at Anna's place. John quickly helped with her backpack and insisted on escorting her to her door.

''So, how about Friday evening...are you free?'' she asked.

''Free for what?'' he replied, standing behind her, still holding her stuff.

''Well, you did say you want to spend some time with me, right?'' She giggled and stepped in to her apartment.

''Right.''

''So...how about Friday? Gwen is throwing me some kind of a welcome home party. You can come, if you want to.''

''Yeah, sure, I'll come,'' he said, setting her backpack by the door.

''It'll start around 8 p.m., but you can come earlier, if you want. We'll need someone to blow up the balloons.'' She tossed her keys onto the table and turned to him. He was leaning against the door frame, looking at her and smiling.

''Well, I don't know about balloons - I'm a smoker, after all - but I will do my best.''

''I'm sure you will,'' she said, and started walking toward him.

''Would you mind seeing me before Friday? I want to talk to you about something.'' That was it - he had decided to tell her. No matter the stakes, she had to know he was married. He wasn't planning to tell her everything yet, but telling her something would be better than nothing.

''Nothing bad, I hope.''

''Well…'' he looked up and saw she was just a foot in front of him. He didn't really know what to do; in a way, he was afraid of her reaction if he said anything now. ''…yes and no.''

''I'm free on Wednesday, if you are?''

''Wednesday is fine. I'll call you, all right?''

''You have my number,'' she said, stepping up on her tiptoes and hugging him. ''Thank you for the weekend,'' she whispered into his ear.

His arms were around her in a second and he slowly pulled her closer to him. When he felt her breath against his ear, it took all his strength not to turn his head and let his lips meet hers.

They were still holding each other when John finally said, ''I have to go now...I have some stuff to do.''

''Anything special?'' She slowly let go of him and stepped back.

''Visiting my mum.'' That was kind of true; he just wasn't mentioning that he lived with her, because his crazy wife had made him leave his house and only called him when she wanted something from him. He hated himself for deceiving her like that. He wanted so badly to tell her the whole truth.

''Oh, not only are you a good man, you're also a good son,'' she joked.

''Well, I try to be. She can still take care of herself, she is not that old, but she likes the company of her only son.''

''Say hello to her and...well, bye till Wednesday.''

''Till Wednesday,'' he said and turned around.

Anna watched him until he disappeared down the stairs. She slowly closed the door and leaned against it. She was absolutely beaming - he was letting her set the pace of their relationship. He wasn't pressuring her, and that meant the world to Anna. Maybe he was the answer to all her prayers. He was so much more than just a broken man, standing on her roof, about to take his own life because of his problems. And maybe that was one reason Anna liked him - he was just like her. He had problems, but he couldn't talk about them, just as she couldn't talk about hers. Maybe, just maybe, they could heal each other.

* * *

John was walking through the lobby with his head in the clouds, when all of a sudden someone bumped into him and stumbled.

''Hey, pazi kje hodiš kreten!*'' was the only thing he heard. He turned around to apologize and saw the person who was yelling at him - it was Gwen. One of her patients had cancelled, so she'd been able to go home earlier than usual.

''Oh, it's you...Gwen, right?'' John asked, offering his hand and helping her to her feet.

''John? Yes, yes - it's me, Gwen. Hi! So, you are back, hmm? How was your weekend? What did you do? Did Anna have a good time?'' She was bombarding him with questions that he wasn't ready to answer.

''It was nice.''

''I bet it was,'' she said and winked at him.

''Well, sorry again for bumping into you.''

''You can bump into me any time you want to,'' she said quietly.

''What was that?'' He hadn't heard what she had said.

''Oh, nothing, nothing at all. Is Anna home?''

''She is. I've just dropped her off.'' He could feel her eyes on him; she was analysing him. Maybe she couldn't help herself; after all, she was a psychiatrist. ''Nice to see you again, but I've got to run. Bye, Gwen.''

''Nasvidenje lepi,**'' she said, and stared at him as he made his way out of the building.

He could feel her eyes on his back, and he chuckled. ''What language is that?'' he thought to himself.

He was already by the car, when he hear Gwen calling, ''Hey, John...you dropped your keys when we bumped into each other!''

He checked his jacket pocket and, sure enough, his keys weren't there. ''Oh, thank you.'' He turned around and took them from Gwen.

''Can I give you a hug?'' she asked out of the blue.

''Sorry?'' He stared at her. She was laughing and repeated her question.

''I don't know what are you doing or saying to Anna, but she is happy. And I just want to give you a hug, because I'm so very thankful that you walked into her life. When you left the other day, she was absolutely glowing. So, thank you for that.''

Before he could say anything, she threw herself into his arms. He didn't mind; she was cute and funny in her own way. She wasn't making much sense to him, especially when she spoke in a language he didn't understand, but he liked her.

''Well, you're welcome, I guess,'' he said, when she finally let go of him. ''But I really need to go now.''

''Yes, yes, go. Take care. Bye!" she called and waved at him like a lunatic.

John drove away with a smile on his face, but little did he know that the black BMW following behind him was watching every move he made.

* * *

 **beta: annambates :D THANK YOU**

 **thanks for all the R &F&F :***

 ***''Watch where you going you asshole!''**

 **** ''Bye beautiful.'** '


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter XII.**

''You were right, Vera - he's got himself a lass,'' said the man sitting opposite her, slowly smoking a cigarette.

''What have you learned, my dearest?''

''I waited at the address you gave me. There was no sight of him all weekend, but today he finally arrived with the girl. He parked his car in front of the building and took a backpack from the car. They must have gone somewhere for the weekend. I couldn't see the girl.''

''What?!'' Vera stood up and slammed the table with her fist. She was furious. ''Your only task was to wait for him and find out who the whore is that he's fucking!''

''Calm down…'' he said harshly, exhaling smoke, ''…and let me finish. I decided to wait for them; I thought maybe they'd come back. But nothing happened and after 10 minutes I decided to go after them. I was already making my way to the building when he came out. And then...she followed.''

Vera's pupils dilated and he could see her grinning. ''And?''

''They talked for a few minutes, and then she hugged him.''

''That bitch! What does she look like?''

''Well, she's pretty, very, very pretty…'' he put out his cigarette, turned toward her, and started to talk.

* * *

John parked his car in front of his mum's house. With his backpack on his back, he slowly made his way toward the front door. He tried to unlock it, but his key didn't fit the lock. That was strange, he thought to himself. He tried again and again, and after many unsuccessful attempts, he noticed. The lock was not the same - it had been replaced by a new one.

''What the hell is going on?'' he said under his breath. ''MUM?!'' he called, knocking on the wooden door. No answer. He tried again, but still no answer. John was not the type to panic - his former occupation hadn't allowed him to be - but he could feel the cold sweat beading on his forehead. He moved to the window and tried to see inside. It was dark and silent - no light, no noise from the television. But the strangest thing of all was that there was no sound coming from the radio. She always had her radio on; she liked having the news and music playing, even when she was out. She couldn't imagine leaving Billy the cat all alone in that big, silent house, so she left the radio on to keep him company. ''MUM, ARE YOU INSIDE?!'' he shouted, knocking again. Still no answer, so he decided to try the back door. He climbed the fence with ease. The back yard looked the same as it had when he had left on Friday. He quickly found out that the back door lock had been replaced, too. ''MUM!'' he yelled, ''IT'S ME, JOHN!'' and then he heard it - footsteps. Someone was inside the house. He was about to the break the window when he heard the door being unlocked.

''John?'' said a shaky voice, ''Is it really you?'' When her face appeared, she looked pale and scared.

''Mum? What happened? Why did you replace the locks?'' he asked as he entered the house.

''Oh, Johnny, someone was here!'' she said, and started to cry.

''Who was here?'' he asked, and held her close. He was slowly making his way to the living room when he saw it - the room was a mess. Everything was broken - TV screen, vases, picture frames, coffee table, books lying all over the floor...

''Oh, my god - Mum, what happened here?'' He could feel anger building inside of him.

''I told you - she visited me, she threatened me, she kept asking me where you were. And when I refused to tell her anything, she went crazy! She started throwing my beautiful vases around the room, and yelling at me. Oh, Johnny - I was so scared, but I didn't tell her anything about you. When she left, I called the locksmith and had the locks changed. I haven't left the house since Friday; I've been so scared. I tried to call you, but the line was busy.'' John helped her sit down on the sofa, and she started to sob.

''Mum, breathe, OK? You're safe now. Can you tell me who was here?''

''She said her name was Sarah...Sarah O'Brien. And she told me to tell you that Vera had sent her.''

John was seeing red - that bitch had sent her people after his mum. Vera had crossed the line this time. He didn't care what she did to him, but he wouldn't let her hurt his family. ''I'll kill her!'' He stood up and was walking toward the door when she called his name, but he didn't hear her. The only thing he could hear was his heart pounding in his chest. ''Lock the door behind me!'' was the only thing he yelled back. He wanted to kill her...he was going to kill her! He started his car and sped away.

* * *

John reached his old house in 20 minutes. The squealing brakes could be heard through the whole neighbourhood. He got out of the car and, not even bothering to close the car door, he ran toward the house. He didn't knock; he just barged in, like a voracious wild animal following a trail of blood. ''VERA! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?'' He ran upstairs, but she wasn't there. He searched the whole house, but couldn't find her. ''VERA!?'' he yelled again.

''Why are you shouting? I'm here.'' She appeared in the back door, smiling like nothing was wrong.

When he saw her, he couldn't stop himself; she had always made him do things he didn't want to do, things that weren't even in his nature. John had never been a violent man, never. Not even when they had lived together and she had made him feel so, so small with her treatment of him - he had never touched her. She, on the other hand, was a completely different story. He was by her side in a second, grabbing her neck, throwing her against the wall. ''You bitch! It wasn't enough for you to fuck with my life; you had to send your fucking dogs to my mother's house?!'' He was choking her, but she wasn't defending herself at all. In fact, he could hear her laughing while she struggled for air. ''Come on, Johnny boy, do it!'' she gasped.

He was squeezing so hard that his knuckles went white but then, for some reason, he let go of her. He couldn't do it. He was many things, but he was not a murderer. She collapsed onto the floor like a sack of potatoes, trying to catch her breath. He sat on a chair near her and ran a trembling hand through his hair.

''Why are you doing this to me? Why can't you leave me and my family alone?'' he asked her.

''You know why! You have to pay for your sins!'' she glared, still having problems breathing normally.

''How many times do I have tell you? Nobody could have saved him...nobody, you hear me?! Not you, not me!''

''But you promised me you'd keep him safe...you promised!'' She slowly stood up and walked toward him. ''But you didn't! And remember, Johnny boy, you WILL pay for your sins. I loved him so much, and you took him away from me. He was the only one in this world who understood me and truly loved me. And he killed himself because of you!''

''Vera, stop it.'' He stood up and shook her. ''Just stop this madness of yours. Let me get you some help...let me help you,'' he pleaded.

''Oh, yeah - like you helped get me into that loony hospital, huh?'' she yelled and shook off his hands. ''Look what they did to me!'' she pointed to her leg. ''I'm here all alone, locked in this house like a wild animal. I'm the one who got hurt, not you. You're free, and you can do whatever you what with your life. But I won't let you! You hear me?! I WON'T LET YOU!''

''Vera…I tried to help you. I did my best. But what do you expect? I don't love you any more. I haven't for a long time, and we both know that you don't love me. So what's the problem? Just sign the damn divorce papers. You will get the house, I'll give you money, I'll give you whatever you want. Your sentence ends in 5 months...5 months and you'll be a free woman.''

''Ohh, Johnny boy, you are so innocent sometimes. Don't you get it? I could sign the papers, I could sign them today, right now…but I won't," she said, her eyes glinting with anger.

''Why not?''

''I lost the love of my life because of you. I married you to make your life miserable, but you ran away to the army. When they said that you'd been hurt in action, I prayed and prayed that you were dead. But nooo - you never did do what I wanted. So I tried to ruin you with your painkillers. Yeah, you heard me!'' she added, when she saw the way he was looking at her; he was in shock. ''I was drugging you the whole time, Johnny boy, doubling your dose, slipping it into your food and drink. But then your mother had to step in and get you to rehab, that old bat. And then you had to hire that lawyer of yours and he managed to put me in the loony hospital.''

''You attacked my mum, you killed her cat and left its body on her door step, and don't forget you tried to hit me with the car. You should be thankful - the court could've easily put you in prison, but I said no. I asked them only to help you, to get you the proper professional help you needed,'' John replied, looking at her.

She started to laugh, ''Well, thank you for that, Johnny boy, thank you very much.''

''Look, I'm getting a divorce. I texted my lawyer this morning and I'm seeing him tomorrow. The papers are already prepared. Even your lawyer advised you to sign them. I already told you - you'll get everything.''

''Everything but my revenge, hmm? Ohh, no. Johnny boy. I won't sign those papers, not in a million years.'' She grinned. ''I'm not happy and I won't let you be happy either.''

''I'm already unhappy,'' he said, with sadness in his voice.

''I heard something else.''

''What are you talking about?'' John asked.

''Well, I heard you got yourself a pretty, young lass.''

He started to panic. How the hell did she know about Anna? He had been careful...or at least he thought he had been. ''Oh, really?'' he said, trying to mask his fear.

''Don't you dare lie to me! I told you the other day - her cheap perfume was all over you. So I ordered my people to watch you. Care to guess what they discovered?''

John was looking at her in shock; he couldn't believe what she was saying. The only thing he was able to think about was Anna's safety.

''No?'' she said, when she saw the expression on his face. ''I know where she lives, Johnny boy…and more importantly, Thomas does, too,'' she added coldly.

When she mentioned that name, John's face lost all its colour. She had sent Thomas after her?! He knew Thomas - he was one of Vera's oldest friends and one of the leaders of the London Mafia. His price for hurting and killing people, no questions asked, was loads of money and a sexy young man who would spend the night with him.

''And he is there right now,'' she slowly added, grinning like a fool.

''WHAT?!'' John yelled and stood up, starting to run out of the house. He could hear Vera's cackle behind his back, but he didn't care - he had to get to Anna. He jumped into his car and sped away. While driving, he dialled her number, but the phone just kept ringing.

''Come on, pick up! PICK UP! PICK UP!'' He was speeding through the city, but he couldn't care less. ''Anna, dear - just PICK UP!...FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!'' Anna didn't answer and, for a second, he thought the worst - that maybe she was dead already, maybe Thomas had already gotten her.

He was only a block away from her flat when he saw a traffic jam ahead, but he couldn't wait. He jumped out of his car and started to run toward her building like a maniac. He ran and ran, not giving a damn about his knee. He finally reached it, and the stairs were killing his knee, trying to force him to stop and rest, but he kept going until he reached her door. It was locked, and he started to bang on it, shouting her name.

''ANNA! ANNA! OPEN THE DOOR! ANNA!'' Tears was streaming down his face.

And then the door opened and she was standing before him, wearing only a towel around her body, her hair all wet. Before she could say anything, he quickly pulled her into his arms. He embraced her with such force, she was taken aback.

''John, what is the matter? Did something happen? Is your mum all right?'' She had been taking a bubble bath when she had heard him yelling at her door.

''You are alive!'' He finally let go of her, looking at her confused face.

''Of course I'm alive you, silly beggar! Why shouldn't I be?''

He was so happy she was alive and all right. He really had thought she was dead. The tears were still streaming down his face when she dried them off with her hand.

''John? You are shaking - come in.'' She closed the door behind him, and led him into the living room.

He sat down on the couch next to her and said, ''We need to talk.''

* * *

 **beta: annambates :))))))))))))))))))))))))))**

 **thanks for R &F&F**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter XIII.**

''Talk about what? John, what's the matter? You're shaking!'' Anna was worried. He was pale, covered in sweat, and looked like he'd seen a ghost.

''I should have told you a week ago,'' he said, staring at her.

''Tell me what? John, you're scaring me.''

''It's just that I wasn't planning on meeting you. I didn't expect to fall for you. But I did...and you told me you had been hurt before...you told me and I still didn't say a word…I'm so sorry.'' He was babbling, and his words didn't make any sense to Anna.

''John!'' She shook him. ''I don't know what are you talking about. I'm going to change into something more comfortable and give you a chance to calm down. And then we can talk like normal people, all right?''

''All right,'' he whispered. John was in shock - he couldn't believe Anna was still alive. When Vera had told him that Thomas was at her place, he had thought the worst. He'd felt powerless. He'd thought he had lost her before anything could develop between them...before he could tell her the truth...before he could tell her he loved her.

Anna returned quickly. She offered him a mug of coffee and he took it. ''Did you calm yourself down?''

''Anna, I need to talk to you. I need to tell you something and you are going to hate me for it. I won't blame you, you have the right to hate me, but you have to know I only wanted to protect you.'' He was looking at her, preparing himself to tell her...preparing himself to lose her.

''Protect me? Protect me from what? John, what is going on? Why would I hate you?'' He was making no sense to her. When he'd left her an hour ago, everything had been perfect. They had been on the verge of some kind of new relationship, and now he was sitting here in her living room, babbling about things she didn't understand.

''Anna….'' He set the mug down on the coffee table and stared at her. ''…I'm married.'' He could see immediately how her eyes changed - they went from happy, but worried, to surprised, hurt, and betrayed in a millisecond.

She was quiet for some time, staring at the wall behind him. ''Anna…did you hear what I said?'' he asked and touched her hand.

''You're…married?'' She couldn't believe that she had fallen for another married man. She was sitting down, but she could swear the floor was shaking under her feet. ''You're married?'' she slowly repeated.

''Yes, but let me explain…'' But Anna interrupted before he could finish the sentence.

''YOU'RE MARRIED! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!'' She stood up. ''YOU'RE A MARRIED MAN AND YOU LET ME BELIEVE THERE WAS SOMETHING BETWEEN US?!''

''There is something between us. Anna…'' he tried to reassure her.

''DON'T TALK TO ME - YOU LISTEN TO ME! DON'T YOU DARE! FOR FUCK'S SAKE, JOHN! YOU SENT ME FLOWERS, YOU FLIRTED WITH ME, AND YOU MADE ME BELIEVE YOU CARED. YOU EVEN DARED TO KISS ME AND TRIED TO SLEEP WITH ME!? AND NOW YOU'RE TELLING ME YOUR HEART BELONGS TO SOMEONE ELSE?!'' She was yelling at him, barely knowing what it was that she was yelling.

''Anna, hear me out, please…''

''SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU HEAR ME!? GET OUT! GET OUT NOW!''

He started trying to explain again, but she wouldn't let him. She pushed him toward the door. She could feel tears stinging her eyes, but she wouldn't cry in front of him, not in a million years.

Opening the door, she shoved him out. ''DON'T CALL ME, DON'T TEXT ME! YOU HEAR ME? WE'RE DONE. I DON'T NEED ANOTHER ERIC IN MY LIFE!'' With that, she slammed the door in his face.

She locked the door and slowly leaned against it. She was shaking and feeling all kind of emotions – anger, sadness, confusion… She turned around and sat down. Inhaling deeply, she could finally feel the tears on her face. ''What the fuck is wrong with me?'' she asked herself, and started openly sobbing.

John heard her; he was still standing in front of her door. The only thing he wanted to do was to take her in his arms, tell her that he was sorry and that everything was going to be all right. But he couldn't. She wouldn't let him explain...why would she? He had lied - he hadn't told her, and he should have. ''Anna, I'm sorry.''

''GO AWAY, JOHN! GO AWAY OR I'LL CALL THE POLICE!''

''Please open the door and let me explain!''

''There is nothing to explain! You're married and you didn't tell me.''

''Yes, I'm married and I should have told you. But I don't love her.''

''Yeah, right. I don't want to know, you hear me?!'' She didn't know why was she still talking to him. She picked up her phone and dialed Gwen's number. After ringing for some time, it went to voicemail. ''Gwen, it's Anna. Can you please come by my flat? I need to talk to you.'' Her voice cracked. ''He's married...John is married. Please hurry.''

''ANNA! Please open the door and let me tell you everything.''

''It's too late for that. I'm calling the police! GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE!'' She stood up and turned toward the bedroom. She crawled into her bed, covering herself with a blanket, put her headphones in her ears and cradled her teddy bear, which her parents had given to her on her 10th birthday. She was sobbing like a little, lost child, but she didn't care. She had been hurt…again...and that alone overwhelmed her with sadness.

John had heard her standing up and walking away. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to make a scene in front of her flat if the police were really coming, but he couldn't bring himself to leave. So he decided to wait for her in the lobby. She'd have to come out at some point.

He had been pacing around the lobby for quite some time when he heard it: ''TI PREKLETI PRASEC, TI SVINJA! KAKO SI DRZNEŠ?!'' He turned around and saw Gwen striding toward him, shouting, her face the same colour as her hair. ''Gwen, I don't understand what're you saying!''

''VEM DA NE! KRETEN!'' She started hitting him with her purse. ''YOU SWINE! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU MEN! YOU FUCKING BASTARD! GET OUT!'' Once again, John was pushed out the door. She shoved him out onto the busy sidewalk, still hitting him with her purse like a crazy woman.

''Gwen, stop it! Stop!'' He tried to grab her purse.

''What? What do you want?!'' Gwen finally stopped hitting him. ''She left me a voicemail. You are married, you bastard! How dare you?! She was falling for you! After so long, she was finally opening her heart again…FOR YOU! FOR FUCK'S SAKE, SHE EVEN KISSED YOU! Do you even know what you've done? She basically offered you her second virginity! And you treated her like she was the last piece of shit on this earth!''

''Stop and let me explain!'' He didn't know how to stop her from yelling at him. People on the street were starting to stare.

''WHAT THE FUCK, JOHN! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DIFFERENT!''

''I am different, if you only let me explain...'' His voice was pleading with her to listen to him.

''There is nothing to explain. JUST GO!'' She turned around and was walking back toward the door when he heard a loud bang.

People started running and shouting...it had been a gun shot. John ducked down and tried to see where the shot had come from, but someone pushed him down onto the ground. And then he saw her - Gwen was lying on the ground, not moving. He crawled quickly toward her...she was bleeding from the abdomen. ''SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!'' he yelled, removing his shirt and using it to apply pressure to the wound.

''DID SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!?''

''I did!'' a girl shouted, as she ran toward him. ''They're coming. How can I help? Is she still alive?''

John checked her heartbeat. ''She is, but barely. She is losing a lot of blood quickly. Let's hope the ambulance gets here soon. Gwen, can you hear me?'' He started to talk to her. ''Gwen, don't leave us, OK? You hear me? Don't you dare leave us!'' All he could do was to keep applying pressure to her wound and praying the ambulance would get there in time.

* * *

 **beta: annambates :))) THANK YOUUUUUUUUU**

 **thank you for all the R &F&F :) they mean a lot ;)****


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter XIV.**

''3,2,1...clear! Anything?'' the paramedic asked, looking at the screen.

''Nothing,'' John said.

''Charge to 260. Clear!'' and they waited. The line was still flat.

''Come on, Gwen!'' John said through his teeth.

''I think she's gone.''

''Don't say that! Give me the paddles.'' He pulled them from the paramedic's hands. ''Charge it to 300. Come on, what are you waiting for? Do it!'' he yelled.

''Clear!''

Gwen's body jumped into the air, but still nothing - the line on the screen didn't rise an inch.

''Sir, she's gone. We did everything we could. She'd lost a lot of blood and…'' and then they heard it.

A beep...and then another one. The line on the screen moved...and then again and again.

''That's right, Gwen!'' John exclaimed, putting down the paddles and checking her pulse. It was weak, but still there. ''HURRY UP!'' he yelled at the driver.

The ambulance was speeding through London's busy streets and John just hoped they would make it to the hospital in time. He had seen many gun shot wounds in his lifetime and he knew that this one was bad. Every second counted, and she didn't have much time to spare. The ambulance finally stopped at the emergency room doors, and John didn't waste a second. He opened the ambulance door and started to pull the trolley out.

''COME ON, HELP ME!'' he shouted to the paramedic, and started to push the trolley into the hospital.

''Sir, we got it.'' Finally a doctor arrived and took John's place.

''Female, 32, gun shot in her abdomen…'' The report of Gwen's status filled John's ears. He could feel the adrenalin around him and it took him back to his old days as an army doctor. He was running down the corridor alongside the trolley, still holding the infusion apparatus, when a nurse stopped him.

''Sir, you can't go any further. We'll do our best.'' And with that John was left all alone in the middle of the hallway. His shirt was covered in blood, but he didn't care. He had to call Anna - she had to know what was going on.

He leaned against the wall and dialed her number. It kept ringing, but there was no answer. He was afraid she'd turn it off if she saw it was him, so he immediately texted her a message.

 _''I know I'm the last human on this earth you want to hear from, but can you please call. It's about Gwen…she was shot. ''_

Within a minute his phone rang. It was her.

''Anna?'' he answered.

''John, what's going on? What happened?'' He could hear the panic in her voice. ''Gwen was shot. I'm at the Royal London Hospital. You need to come now!''

''I'm coming,'' was the only thing he heard before the phone went dead.

* * *

She was sitting in the taxi, praying and hoping that Gwen was all right. She had been lying on her bed still, listening to music and sobbing, when she'd seen his call come through, but she hadn't answered - the hell with him. But then his message had come right after, and for a second she had thought she'd pass out. Gwen was shot?!

''Here we are. 10 pounds, please,'' the taxi driver said.

She tossed 50 pounds onto the front seat and ran toward the hospital entrance. She knew exactly where to find John. She knew her way around this hospital - she had spent a lot of time here, waiting for her mother's shift to end when she was a child. Anna ran though the corridors and up the stairs; the elevators were too slow for her. First floor, second floor, third floor...and then she finally reached the waiting room and saw him. He was sitting on a chair, his head resting against the wall and his eyes closed. His white shirt was covered in blood...Gwen's blood.

''John?!'' she called, and he opened his eyes. He stood up quickly. ''Anna!''

They ran toward each other and he gladly opened his arms for her. She really didn't think twice about it; the argument they'd had was the furthest thing from her mind. The only thing she was thinking about was Gwen.

''What happened? Is she all right? Tell me she's still alive! Please! I can't lose her, not Gwen!'' Anna was openly sobbing, her face buried in his chest.

''She is still alive, but she lost a lot of blood. Did you hear the shooting on the street?''

''No, I had my headphones on. Who would want to hurt Gwen? She is one of the sweetest human beings in the world. Was it one of her patients?'' She looked up at him, heartbroken.

''It happened so fast. She'd gotten your message and was yelling at me, and then when she was making her way toward the building, someone shot her. I didn't see where it came from. I tried to look, but someone knocked me down.''

''Tell me she is going to be all right.''

''Anna, her heart stopped while we were in the ambulance. She was clinically dead for almost 4 minutes.'' He didn't want to lie to her - the situation was bad. Gwen had lost a lot of blood and the fact that they had lost her for some minutes really didn't work in her favour.

''No, no! Don't say that!'' She started to punch him in the chest. The thought of losing Gwen was too much for her. John quietly let her tiny fist hit against his chest over and over again and, when she had tired herself out, he helped her to sit down on the couch. And then the wait began.

The operation seemed to drag on and on. One hour, two hours…and the only thing John could do for Anna was to hold her. They didn't say a word - just sat quietly, silently praying for Gwen. And after three and a half hours, the doors finally opened.

Anna was on her feet in a second, John quickly following. ''Is she all right?'' she asked the doctor walking toward them. His expression was blank.

''Are you here for Miss Dawson?'' replied the doctor, pulling off his blue surgical hat.

They both nodded. ''Is she all right?"

''She is stable, but not quite out of the woods. We had to remove some of her small intestine and she has experienced acute blood loss. If she makes it through the night, she will probably be fine.''

''Can I see her?''

''I'm afraid not, Miss. I suggest you go home and get some rest. You can come back tomorrow morning.''

''But…what if something happens during the night?'' The thought of leaving Gwen all alone in the hospital didn't sit well with Anna.

''You can leave your home number with the nurse. We'll call you if anything changes.'' With that, he turned around and left.

They were left standing in the hallway. John turned to face her, and he could see the fear still in her eyes. Somehow their hands found each other's, but Anna quickly let go as soon as she realised, memories of their earlier argument surfacing again.

She looked at John nervously. ''Can you take me home?'' She hated him for not having told her the truth, but she had to admit to herself that she really needed some company to survive the night.

''Let's go.'' He tentatively took her hand in his and they slowly made their way to the street. He didn't have a problem getting them a taxi and, after a 10 minute drive, they were standing in front of her building. The police had finished their work and the only evidence of what had happened earlier was a dark red stain on the spot where Gwen had been lying only hours before.

''Can I call you tomorrow?'' John asked.

''You're not staying with me?'' she almost pleaded.

''You want me to stay?'' He was a little surprised.

''Yeah, please, John. I know that everything is not OK between us and I know I yelled at you, but I'm going to be selfish and ask you to stay. Please...I can't survive the night by myself.'' Tears were once again running down her face. It felt like she had cried the entire day away.

''Hey, hey. It's going to be OK - she'll be fine. And you are not selfish, you are one of the bravest and the strongest women I have ever met. Come here.'' He hugged her and slowly they started to walk into her building.

''I need to call Gwen's parents. They have no clue what's happened,'' Anna said, unlocking the door to her flat. ''What time is it?''

''Almost 9 p.m. Why?'' John replied, looking at his watch.

''I will wake them up,'' whispered Anna, picking up her phone.

''What are you talking about?''

''Umm...Gwen's parents live in Slovenia. It's 10 p.m. there,'' she explained.

''They live where?''

''Slovenia, you know - formerly Yugoslavia.'' She saw he was still clueless. ''Forget it. Can you give me some privacy? I need to be alone for this.''

''Yeah, sure. I'll wait in the kitchen. If you need anything, just shout, OK?'' He smiled weakly and left the room.

Anna took a deep breath, swallowed her tears, and dialed. This was going to be hard. The phone rang and rang, and, just when she was about to give up, a cheerful voice greeted her from the other side of Europe.

''Anna, dear, what a nice surprise. Gwen told us you were back from Iraq. How is it going? I hope you are coming to visit us really soon…''

''Hi Marija. I'm not so good.'' Anna couldn't help herself - her best friend had been shot and was lying in a hospital bed fighting for her life, without anyone by her side. Her voice cracked.

''Anna, did something happen?''

"Yes…Marija you need to come to London…Gwen was shot.''

* * *

John had started to pace around the kitchen and finally decided to make tea. It wasn't much, but he couldn't just wait there, doing nothing. At the hospital, a kind nurse had offered him a clean surgical shirt, so he could change out of his bloody one while they were waiting. He really hoped that Anna would let him take a shower. He was still surprised that she had asked him to stay. After the afternoon he had experienced, he'd thought he would already be home, fighting his desire to drink, with his mother by his side. It wouldn't be the first time. But Anna had asked him to stay, and he was going to be there for her. He would do whatever she asked of him. The sound of the kettle pulled him from his thoughts. He carefully poured the water into two mugs and, after some trouble finding the tea, he added the teabags.

He didn't know what to do next. Had she finished her call or not? He didn't know, so he tried listening by the door. It was quiet. He slowly opened the door and saw that she was still sitting in the same spot he'd left her, clutching her legs to her body. ''Anna?'' he called softly, but she didn't respond.

John cautiously stepped in to the living room and called her name again, but again nothing. He sat down next to her and he could see she was shaking. ''Did you reach them?''

She nodded. ''Yes, they are coming to London on the first flight they can get. But what if she doesn't make it?'' She couldn't cry any more; she didn't have any more tears left.

''Don't say that! She is going to be all right, you hear me?'' He put his arm around her and pulled her closer. ''She will be OK.''

''But what if she isn't? I can't lose her John! I can't!'' she cried, and squeezed herself closer to him.

''She is a strong woman - she'll survive. And if you don't believe me, I can show you my shoulders. I'm sure they're already covered in black and blue bruises. That woman can hit.'' He chuckled.

''What are you talking about?''

''Well, she beat me…with her purse.''

''What? When?'' She looked up.

''She confronted me in the lobby earlier. She had gotten your message. For a second I thought she was going to kill me! What the hell is she carrying in her purse?''

Anna started to giggle; she couldn't help herself. The image of Gwen hitting John with her purse was too much for her. ''She beat you?''

''She did, and I deserved every blow,'' he said seriously. ''Anna, I'm sorry I didn't tell you.'' He tried to apologize again, but she stopped him.

''John, I don't want to talk about it…please. Not tonight,'' she warned him, and moved from his embrace. ''I need a shower.'' And with that, she left him sitting in the middle of the couch.

John was drinking his tea, waiting for her to come out of the bathroom, and brooding about what had happened that day, when it hit him. He realized who had shot Gwen. It was so clear; why hadn't he thought of it before? They hadn't shot the right girl - it was supposed to be Anna they shot, not Gwen. They had thought Gwen was his new girl. The thought that Anna was meant to have been the one lying in that hospital bed instead of Gwen made his stomach turn. Somehow he had done it again...he was once again the reason that good people got hurt.

 **my awesome beta: annambates :)))))**

 **thanks you for all the reviews :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter XV.**

''Robert, it's John. I need a favour.''

''John, is everything all right? What happened?'' Robert had been woken by John's call.

''I don't have time to explain. Can you go by my mum's house and take her to the airport? I've already called her, so she is expecting you.''

''John, what is going on?''

''Thomas is back. He's shot someone.'' That was a reason enough for Robert to end the call and jump out of bed immediately.

''Robert?'' a sleepy Cora asked. ''Is everything all right?''

''Yes, everything is all right. I just need to go by the office,'' Robert said, pulling his jeans on.

''In the middle of the night?''

''You know how it is. They say jump and I jump.''

''You and your army,'' Cora moaned and covered herself with a blanket.

''I'll be back soon.'' He gave her a quick peck and left.

 **xXx**

''Who is Thomas?'' Anna asked, stepping out of the bathroom. She was just getting out of the shower when she had heard John speaking on the phone. He was speaking quickly and quietly, and all she could understand was "hurry up," "plane," "Ireland," and "Robert will pick you up." After the first call, he had made another one. She had opened the door a crack and she could hear the whole conversation with Robert. John was nervous. Something was going on, and she had to found out what.

''Sorry?'' John turned around and faced her.

''Who is Thomas?'' she repeated. ''What is going on? You know who shot Gwen?''

He looked at her nervously and he didn't know what to say, but the look in his eyes told her everything.

''You do know! Please tell me and don't lie to me. Please, John - no more lies,'' she begged.

''Sit down,'' he said, and waited to her to sit on the couch. ''Yes, I know.''

''Oh, my god!'' Anna gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. He thought briefly about sitting closer to her, but quickly changed his mind. ''Was it that Thomas guy?''

''Yes.''

''But why? Who is he? Was he one of her patients? And how do you know him?'' She was bombarding him with questions when he stopped her.

''Anna, listen.'' He took a deep breath. ''He meant to kill you, not Gwen.''

He could see the confusion and fear in her face. ''Me? Why me?''

''Because of me.''

''What?''

''Anna, I know you said you don't want to talk about me being married, but if you want to know why, I have to tell you the whole story, from the beginning. Do you understand me?''

''OK,'' she whispered, and waited for him to begin.

''I have a twin brother. Rather, I had one. He shot himself when we were 24. My father had left us when we were 13 and it wasn't easy on us. Soon after, we moved from Ireland to London. My mother did the best she could, but it wasn't enough. We were angry at him, at the whole world, and being 13 year old boys growing up in London, not knowing anyone, it wasn't difficult to get into some bad company. His name was Richard Barrow and he was one of the most important and powerful men among London's gangs. They did everything - drugs, prostitution, murder, smuggling...you name it and they did it, for lots of money, of course. He took us under his wing, and we really didn't mind. We were desperate for a father figure and there he was. We started to do little jobs for him - stealing, selling small amounts of drugs on the streets. See this?'' John rolled his left sleeve up, revealing a small arrow tattoo on his forearm. ''This was our symbol. When you got this, you were in the family. The only way out was death,'' he explained, rolling his sleeve back down.

''Richard had a soft spot for my brother. He had his own son, but they didn't get along so well. His son's name was Thomas. He was a young, naive kid when we met him for the first time. He knew that his father didn't like him as much as he liked my brother, and he grew more and more resentful as he got older. Everything got even worse between them when it became public knowledge that Thomas was gay. He was supposed to step into his father's shoes when old Barrow got too old to do the job, but after he found out that his son had a liking for the boys, everything changed. He secretly put Thomas aside and chose my brother Nelson to replace him if anything happened to him. Richard spent the next 5 years teaching Nelson everything he needed to know about the business. I could see my brother starting to change and I didn't like it one bit. I did try to talk with him, but it was too late - Richard had him under his spell. We were 20 when Richard was shot and killed. And the first on the list to replace him was Nelson. Thomas went completely mad - he didn't know his father had chosen another successor. The whole point of hiring a hit man to kill his father had been to step into his place.''

''He had his own father killed?'' Anna finally spoke in shock.

''Yes.'' John stared at the wall and continued. ''We didn't know that, at first - we thought that he had died during a gang shooting. But Nelson knew something was wrong, so he had some people ask around. But Thomas had been careful. He hadn't left a trace. He killed the hit man before anyone even got a chance to find him. I was already in med school when it happened. You see, Richard had thought it would be good to have a doctor among them, so he paid for me to go. I was smart and it gave me a reason to get away from my old life. I'd wanted to run away, but knew that if I got caught they would kill me. So med school really saved me. I was never a fan of that life, but my brother loved it. Luckily they only called me when someone had gotten shot and I had to stitch them up.''

John stood up and walked toward the window. He leaned on the window frame and looked out at the city. ''I'd thought I had him under control. He was my brother and I loved him, I really did. But the things he did…the power went to his head. He changed his last name to Clay and it took him only two years to become the best at what he did. Everyone knew who Nelson Clay was. I was supposed to be his right hand, but I had asked him to give me the chance to finish med school. So he had asked Thomas to be his man, you know, "Keep your friends close but your enemies closer." Vera joined the gang four years before my brother's death. She was perfect for the business and she and Nelson clicked instantly. And I really think they loved each other in their own sick way. Everything was fine for a few years. Business was good, Nelson was in love, and everything seemed 100% perfect. But Thomas still hadn't forgetten or forgiven his father for putting Nelson in charge. So he spent those years planning. On our 24th birthday, the game was on. I don't know what Thomas said to him - I never found out - but when Vera and I arrived at the house that day, we found him standing in the middle of the room with his gun pointed at his throat. The last thing he said was ''I'm so sorry, John,'' and that was it. He pulled the trigger. I did try to save him, but he was dead on the spot.'' By the time he finished his story, he could feel the tears running down his cheeks. John turned around and he could see Anna wiping her own face. He dried his face with his sleeve and sat back down on the couch.

''I never told my mum how he died. I just couldn't. She didn't know a lot about what Nelson was doing, and I never told her, either. It would kill her if she knew. So I kept quiet. I spent a lot of time with Vera after the funeral, and I thought she liked me. I comforted her and she comforted me. One thing led to another, and after a year we were married. Little did I know, but Thomas, now the new gang leader, had made her believe I'd had something to do with my brother's suicide. She married me for one reason only - to destroy me. In one way, I was lucky, though.''

''How so?''

''Well, Thomas kicked me out of the gang without hurting me. He didn't want another Bates in his family; it would have been far too suspicious if another Bates brother died so soon after the other. So he let me go, but the condition for my freedom was that I had to keep my mouth shut. One word from me, and my mum would get hurt and, well, I would be found dead in some alley. So I kept my mouth shut and lived my miserable life with my lovely wife Vera. Soon after, I joined the army. I had to get away from them and maybe I subconsciously hoped to be killed in action.''

''And Vera?'' Anna asked, after a few seconds of silence.

''She is mad. Thomas did something to her. He tried to destroy me through her. And he almost did it - I was broken. The war had cracked me and she ended the job. Two years ago she tried to run me over with my car and I still did not do anything about it, but after she threatened my mother, I'd had enough. I called the police and they took her. An hour after her arrest, Thomas knocked on my door, saying he would do much worse things with me if I didn't fix everything. I didn't have any choice but to ask the judge to get her some psychiatric help instead of prison time. If she had gone to prison, I would have been a dead man.''

''Is she still in the hospital?'' Anna gently asked.

John nodded his head ''No, they'd said her behaviour had really improved, so they let her out 8 months early. But I know that Thomas had arranged everything. She came back even crazier, if you ask me, and even though I had already been living with my mother for the past two years, I was still afraid for her life. The only thing that allowed me to sleep at night was the tracer they had placed on her leg. They still wanted to monitor her movements and she wasn't allowed to leave the house until the 8 month period ended. But that didn't stop her threats. She called me every day, every night, talking about way she was going to hurt me and my mum. And after a while I'd had enough. I had tried to get her help, but nothing had worked, so one day I'd gotten myself dead drunk and decided that the only way my mother would be safe was to end everything.''

''The night I found you on the roof,'' Anna whispered and looked at him. She finally understood the look she'd seen in his eyes. He'd been broken, and he'd had all the problems of the world on his back - crazy childhood, crazy wife. He'd been living in fear - fear of losing his mum because of the mistakes he and Nelson had made, fear of opening the door and finding Thomas in his house, waiting to finally make him pay for what his brother had done.

''The night you saved me.'' He looked at her and smiled. ''You saved me in ways you can't begin to understand. The moment I saw you, something changed in me. You were kind to me and I could see something in your eyes. I didn't know what, at the time, but now I know. I saw pain, the same kind of pain I can feel in my heart, and you made me feel not alone in this world.''

''Oh, John.'' She stood up and sat down next to him. ''But why did they hurt Gwen?''

''I told you, Thomas and Vera are after me. He is playing with me for his own entertainment. He is sick, and Vera just lives in her own world. Everything changed after Nelson died. She thinks I was the reason he killed himself, and that I didn't want to save him. But I couldn't - the bullet went directly into his neck, and he was dead before his body touched the ground. I don't know what Thomas said to her but… I think he just likes to point out that he's the boss from time to time and that I must still bite my tongue. So when Vera found out I'd met someone, she must have called him and let him know about you. He must have confused you and Gwen.'' His story was finally done.

Anna just stared at him. She didn't really know what to say. He had told her so much at once - about him having been in a gang, his twin brother, Vera, his brother's suicide, Thomas. Her brain couldn't process that much information. She thought he'd had a hard life when he'd told her about his army life, but this was just too much. The only thing she knew was that she wasn't angry any more. How could she be?

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 **beta: annambates :))))))))))))))))))))))))****** THANK YOU!**

 **I love you guys! thank you for all the F &F&R&PM! it means a lot! :)****


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter XVI.**

''Who else knows about this?'' Anna asked, still a little in shock.

''Only Robert and Matthew. I told Robert when we were in the field and Matthew is my lawyer, so I had to tell him.''

''And the girls?''

''They know a version of truth. We told them I divorced Vera a long time ago,'' he explained.

''Who is Robert picking up?''

''My mum. I'm sending her back to Ireland. She has a sister there, and I need her out of the country.''

''But doesn't Thomas have connections there?''

''No, when he took over, the Irish gangs turned against him. They didn't like that he was running the business, so right now Ireland is the safest place for her,'' he stated.

''So, what's your plan?''

''Well, I don't know. I've been going around in circles for so many years, and I still haven't found a way out of it. But I think I'll go and have a talk with Thomas.''

''What?! John, you can't just…''

''Anna, he tried to kill you. Gwen is lying in hospital, fighting for her life because of me, and I don't know what to do. I can't stop it - I can't! It always ends up being my fault in the end, and I'm too much of coward to kill myself, so I'll go and hope he kills me...''

''Don't say that! Please don't say that!''

''I don't know what else to do, Anna. I can't live like this any more and, other than my mum, who is going to miss me?''

''I'm going to miss you!'' Anna cried, and threw a pillow at him. ''Don't talk like this! There must be another way!''

''I've tried everything! Nothing has worked!''

''John, you're a soldier, so think like one! Every enemy has his weakness. Our job is to find Thomas's and use it against him. He's used your mother against you. We just have to find his weak spot.''

''WE? Does that mean you're going to help me?''

''Yes.''

''But why? I thought you hated me.''

''I don't hate you. It wasn't right for you not to tell me about your marriage, but after what you've told me now, I can understand why you kept you mouth shut. I might be mad and hurt, but I don't hate you.''

''I just wanted to protect you.''

''I know.''

 **xXx**

John spent the night at Anna's place. He took a quick shower, and when he came out of the bathroom, Anna was still sitting on the couch. She didn't say a word. She simply took his hand and pulled him into her bedroom. The day had been so long and so much had happened, that she didn't want to spend the night alone. He tried to protest, but she wouldn't listen.

She spent the night in his arms. She didn't sleep much; her thoughts kept drifting to Gwen. But feeling his steady breathing against her made her feel safe. She had wanted to hit him when he had told her he was married, but she couldn't hate him, not after hearing what had happened to him. It was almost 4 in the morning when she nudged him to see if he was awake.

''John, are you asleep?'' Her head was resting on his chest, and for some reason it felt right to tell him at that moment.

''No.''

''I need to tell you something.''

''What?'' he asked, and slowly caressed her back with his hand.

''I need to tell you why I reacted the way I did when you told me you were married.''

''You don't need to,'' he said, looking down at her.

''I know that, but if you were strong enough to tell me your story, I need to be fair and tell you mine.''

''Are you sure?''

''Yes,'' she nodded. She hadn't talked about what had happened to her for a long time - only Robert, Cora, and Gwen knew the whole truth. But the darkness somehow made her feel safer.

''You see…I was engaged to be married 8 years ago. He was the first man who had taken any real interest in me after everything that had happened with my parents and…my foster situation,'' she slowly started to explain.

''When my parents died, I was put into foster care. I didn't have any family left, and I was only a year from being considered an independent adult, so foster was the simplest solution. I didn't care - I was sad and broken. My foster parent was a teacher in the local school and a real charmer. Everybody in the village liked and respected him. Everything was all right for the first 6 months and then…'' she stopped.

''Anna…'' John said quietly and stopped his movements on her back, afraid his touch might make her feel uncomfortable.

She looked up and gave him a weak smile. ''I was asleep one night when he barged into my room. Before I could do anything, he'd already pulled me out of bed. I started screaming and then first blows came. He began hitting me as hard as he could. After a while, my body couldn't handle any more pain and I think I passed out. I woke up alone in the basement, tied to a chair.''

''Did he…'' John could feel his blood pressure rising.

''No, he didn't, but I could see it in his eyes - he was planning to. I guess he was too drunk for that.'' She smiled weakly. ''I don't know how long I was there, but to me it felt like an eternity. I'd shouted for help but nobody had heard me. I thought I was going to die there. Every bone, every muscle ached, I was hungry, thirsty, scared. I'd almost given up, when he finally came back. He stepped into the room and said nothing; he just stared at me. But I knew what he was planning to do.'' She inhaled and started to caress John's hand. ''He started slowly, and I resisted him as best I could – spitting, biting - so he started hitting me again and calling me terrible names. I thought...no, I _wished_ I would die before he could finish what he had started.''

She could feel John's fingers start to caress her hand, and when she looked up she could see tears in his eyes. She, on the other hand, didn't have any more tears to lose on her past. ''His hand was on my thigh when the door behind him suddenly came off its hinges. The police had broken in. Later I found out that I wasn't the only girl he'd attacked. One of them had finally gathered her courage and reported him.''

''Anna…''John's voice almost cracked saying her name. They both had such troubled pasts. It felt like everything in the world was against them.

''Just let me finish. If I stop, I don't know if I'll ever get the courage to talk about it again,'' she said, and all he could do was nod.

''After the police saved me, Robert and his family took me in. For the first 17 years of my life, I had been the happiest child in the whole country. My family had been happy, we had loved each other so much. And then, after my parents died, in the space of a year my world had shattered into a million pieces. It took me two years after that to put myself together again. Living with his family, I spent a lot of time in Robert's company, and after a while the military life grew on me. I liked the feeling of belonging again, of knowing that someone was protecting my back when things got tough. So one day, I woke up and asked him to enlist me. And it was perfect - I loved every minute of it. After so much misery, I finally was starting to feel like myself again.'' She stopped and exhaled. ''And then I met him.''

John brought her even closer. He couldn't believe that after all the shit she had gone through, another man had to fuck with her life. When Anna sensed him pulling her closer to him, she didn't fight it. It had been a hard day and, no matter what, she had to admit to herself that she needed him - she needed his presence, his body heat, his arms around her.

''His name was Eric, Eric Wiesel. He was a military pilot from America, here for special training, a few years older than me and absolutely perfect. I had really tried to focus on my training; I didn't want to have anything to do with men, after everything that had happened. But he was sweet and patient with me. So after a while I finally said yes to his invitation for a date. And he turned out to be even better than I'd thought he was. He was a very good listener, and I started to trust him. I told him everything about myself, even the stuff nobody else knew. After two years, he asked me to marry him. Saying yes to him was the easiest decision I'd ever made. I was happy - really, really, happy. I was myself again and everything in the world was good. We had plans - a house and family. Everything was rosy in our garden. Until just a week before the wedding, when a woman knocked on my door, holding a little girl by the hand and a baby in her arms.''

She stopped for a moment to shift even closer to him, and then continued her story. ''She was his wife. They'd been married for 6 years. He had gone back to America a few times during his training. He was away for just a week or two each time, claiming his mother was sick, and I'd believed him. The wife's name was Rita, and she didn't know I existed until she found a pendant I'd given him with our initials on it. So there she was, standing in front of our flat, saying all kinds of nasty things about him - how he had beaten her and the children, screwed around with other girls, taken money from and her family. I didn't believe her, so I asked her to leave. When Eric came home, I told him about the woman. He tried to deny it at first, but I could see it in his eyes - everything she'd told me was the truth. I'd already started to pack when he hit me, but I was not that same girl from years before. The military had made me stronger, physically and mentally, so I fought back. I pushed him into the wall and when he fell, he hit his head on a table. He passed out, so I finished packing my stuff and left. Everything I had worked toward for the last couple of years, getting my life together, had been shattered by a simple knock on my door. I asked Robert to send me away. He didn't ask why; he just made a few phone calls and I was on a plane to Iraq the next day. That was 8 years ago. I'd thought I was over him, over everything that had happened to me. But no, they still live in my head, both of them. And when you told me you were married, I just…I just lost it.''

''My God, Anna - I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am about everything,'' John whispered, sitting up and bringing her with him. ''I'm so, so sorry.'' His eyes filled with tears.

''Just hold me,'' Anna said, and his arms were around her tiny frame in a second. He slowly lowered them back onto the bed, and they spent the rest of the night comforting each other and gently cuddling in the safe cocoon they had created together.

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 **beta: annambates! thank you for being the best possible beta a writer could ask for!**

 **I can't believe how many of you still read this story! I love you guys! thanks for all the R &F&F&PM! **


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